skybluepink

you'll follow me, wontcha?

2008-06-04T12:46:00.000-07:00

you can now find me here. please come and play as i'll no longer be posting here.

hi my name is shell...

2008-06-03T08:38:00.001-07:00

and i am retarded. last night as i was trying to put groceries away on top of the refridgerator, i fell off a step ladder. somehow i lost my footing ~ could it be because i am suddenly very front heavy and am totally off balance from what i'm used to ~ and tumbled to the floor. i did something gnarley to my right foot and it still hurts. i either twisted or sprained it pretty bad. i can put slight pressure on it today, but it still hurts when i do so. sigh. i guess i'm just having a hard time realizing that i cannot do everything that i'm used to doing. yesterday was the first day i actually accepted help at the grocery store from the baggers to take my groceries to my car. asking for help is hard when you're used to doing everything on your own!

tests, tests and more tests.

2008-05-29T14:59:00.000-07:00

so today i had another litany of tests done. this time i went to see a cardiologist. i've had a goofy heart beat for some time now and i've been on beta blockers for it for several years. well, my ob feels that i should not be on it for my last trimester as it can increase the chances of little miss peanut being small at birth. so, i went off them.

today i had an ekg and some other random heart tests that prove that i do, in fact, have a mini heart murmur. so, more tests need to be done. sigh. in a week i have to wear a halter monitor for 24 hours which will see what my heart is doing. then i have to get more blood work done. then i have to get a heart sonogram. but, the cardiologist was super nice and seemed very knowledgeable. he also agreed that i should be off the beta blockers and was glad that my ob took me off of them. he said i will notice my heart race more, but that should be just more of an inconvenience to me than anything else.

my appointment lasted for almost 2 hours. so, as a treat, i went to jamba juice afterwards. mmm.

and while i was at my appointment today, i got the results back from my glucose test from yesterday. i had to drink that flat orange soda stuff and wait for an hour and then have blood drawn. yummy. well, turns out i DON'T have gestational diabetes. Yay!! but, i do have slight anemia, so i will need to take a daily iron tablet. but, that's okay. i would rather be a bit anemic than diabetic.

but really, i would just like for all of these tests to be done!

thursday thirteen.

2008-05-29T02:51:00.000-07:00

13 mom characteristics/traits/items that frighten me:

1. mom jeans. please shoot me if i am EVER seen in a pair.

2. mom hair. again, just shoot me.

3. driving a mini van. an suv or a station wagon is fine. however, a mini van is not.

4. being a soccer mom.

5. the stay at home mom who gives up on life and has a midlife crisis at 40.

6. being a stepford wife.

7. trying to act and dress like she is 20, when really she is over 40.

8. being a mommy blogger as the only means of interaction with the real world.

9. living their life vicariously through their children to the point of pushing their child to do things they don't really want to do, like play certain sports, participate in pageants and play instruments.

10. on that note, pageant moms.

11. spending ridiculous amounts of money on a child's birthday party as if it were a wedding.

12. not being able to cook a single meal unless it consists of putting something in the microwave or adding boiling water. seriously. read a freaking cookbook. it isn't hard.

13. going out and partying at all hours, forgetting they are even a mom.

sad news.

2008-05-26T19:40:00.000-07:00

one of my dearest friends had an awful family tragedy occur this weekend. please keep her and her family in your thoughts and prayers.

weekend update.

2008-05-26T19:39:00.000-07:00

my weekend recap will be short and sweet. we left town around 7 pm so we missed a good deal of traffic. we filled up about half way there to make sure we had enough gas to make it up the mountain and it was an astronomical $4.25 a gallon for regular! YIKES.

along the way it started raining. nothing heavy, but rain nonetheless. we arrived around 10:30 pm to snow and cold. luckily the cabin has several space heaters which we plugged in and went straight to bed.
check me out in my j-lo outfit as soon as we arrived.

since the weather was stormy all weekend, we stayed in bed or hung out in the living room by the fire. at one point we went into town ~ a term a use loosely as there are only 25 year round residents ~ and hubby had to tie my tennis shoes for me as i can no longer reach my feet!!

i read two books over the 3 days and relaxed a whole bunch. all the swelling that i had the week before had gone away completely. i'm almost ready to go back to work tomorrow. almost!

oh, and here i am when we got home this evening in our garden. i can't believe i'm 7 months along!!

whoot!

2008-05-23T16:35:00.000-07:00

well, i'm about off for the weekend, and not a moment too soon!

i still have to stop by the grocery store for a few things and oh, pack. and fill up the car. on my way to work it was $4.05 a gallon. sweet. but, for three totally uninterrupted days of peace and quiet, it's worth every penny.

thunder storms are expected, but that could make for a warm and cozy weekend.

hope you all have a fantabulous holiday weekend!!

xoxo

sweet.

2008-05-23T08:39:00.000-07:00

You Will Be a Cool Parent

You seem to naturally know a lot about parenting, and you know what kids need.

You can tell when it's time to let kids off the hook, and when it's time to lay down the law.

While your parenting is modern and hip, it's not over the top.

You know that there's nothing cool about a parent who acts like a teenager... or a drill sergeant!

Would You Be a Cool Parent?

meloncholy

2008-05-22T16:12:00.000-07:00

i've been sort of blue since yesterday after my doctor's appointment and i just can't shake the feeling. first, i have to say, i love love love my new doctor's office. i have been meeting with a fantastic midwife for the past few visits and i am definitely going to have her do my delivery.

anyhow, as part of my appointment yesterday we talked about my relationship with my mother and while the conversation went well, it was a bit saddening to talk about how she has never been a real mother to me. my midwife was concerned for me as the whole birthing process is quite emotional, as well as totally physical. i assured her that i have a very strong girlfriend support system, but i did agree that i was saddened that i would not have anyone who fills that motherly role.

i know that mentally i am quite a strong girl, but i am not invincible. and while i try to hide it, it really does bother me deep down that i have never had a motherly figure in my life. actually, it bothers me a lot. i have some great friends who have wonderful mothers, like sally and jacarandabush, and i always enjoy being around their mothers. even their fathers are great.

things have gotten increasingly harder for me that my parents are so out of touch with reality and with me. in the past i have done so much to include them, but they just don't seem to care. what bothers me even more is the fact that they adopted me, so you would think that they would just have this outpouring of love to give. but they don't. at the start of last year, i even wrote my mother a long letter, explaining how i was feeling and she never responded. she didn't even acknowledge that she received the letter, though i know she did.

even when i was a child, there was nothing warm and loving about them. they never attended any of my events unless it was orchestra. they didn't attend gymnastics, swimming or cheerleading events. they didn't read the school newspaper when i had an article published. my mother didn't even see the point in going to my college graduation as she didn't feel it was that big of a deal, even though no one else in my family has ever gone. she couldn't understand why my mil (before she was even my mil) wanted to throw me a graduation party. she also told me around the time i was in my early 20's that no one celebrated birthdays anymore and that i couldn't have people over when it was my birthday. and if people did come over, she told them not to bring me gifts.

the longer i'm away from them, the more strength i have. but, it also tends to make me more meloncholy when i give myself time to think about it as well. i know i will never change them. i had hoped things would change once i became pregnant, but nothing has changed. they don't even want to come up when i go into labor. i know i just need to be strong and move on with things, but it still hurts and makes me feel alone.

by the numbers.

2008-05-20T21:04:00.000-07:00

my new bra size: 36-d

friends who have given birth so far this year: 7

friends who will give birth later this year: 3

months until i give birth: 3

baby showers i will have within the next two months: 4

baby showers my mother will attend: 0

baby showers my mil will attend: 1

price i paid to fill up my car today with unleaded gas: $3.99/gal

price i paid for a gallon of milk yesterday: $2.99/gal

amount left in my checking account: $56.43

books i am reading right now: 2

books that are in the mail to me: 2

days until we go out of town for memorial day: 3

days we will be out of communication from the world: 3

wow.

2008-05-19T10:31:00.000-07:00

so now my mil isn't coming to my shower, either. that really surprises me. it's a different shower than the one that my mom isn't going to, but i still feel weird. she's the one who cries about the baby and makes such a huge deal that i'm pregnant with a girl and her first grandchild and the first grandchild of the family, for that matter.

she just emailed me asking when i'm free in july as her friends want to throw me a shower.

sidenote on this: i have mentioned this before, but she has this group of friends who pretend to be these high society ladies and no one has ever bothered to tell them that they're not. they gossip and talk about everyone in town and think they are the cat's ass. they are only friends because all their kids went to grade school together. no one can join their clique and no one can escape it, either. they're like stepford wives, only nastier. oh, and i'm not allowed to invite any of my friends to their functions, either.

anyhow, i told her i was not free on one friday and one saturday in july, the friday for hubby's birthday and the saturday for the shower a dear friend is throwing, which i told her she and the other ladies in the family would be invited to. she then told me that she and my fil are going to the family cabin for a week in july and will be leaving the day before so she will miss the shower. um, seriously? the day before? like she couldn't leave either after my shower or that following sunday? i guess not. it just sort of blows me away.

weekend ramblings.

2008-05-18T19:04:00.000-07:00

whew! what a weekend. we didn't do a whole lot, but it was soo hot that i'm extra drained. it's been at least 100 since wednesday, and it didn't even cool down at all on wednesday night ~ the coolest it got was 80! luckily, the fog has rolled in each night since so the evenings have been in the 60's.

anywho, yesterday we spent the day running errands, which was oh so much fun. only not. i had to get an oil change but they guys at the place in town are super cute, so i didn't mind waiting. later we both went to get flea collars for the kitties as we found a flea in the house the other day. other random errands were done then we spent the afternoon at hubby's granny's house and sat by the pool. let me tell you, floating in that pool was heavenly!

today hubby worked in the garden a bit then we headed to out to catch a baseball game with some friends. it was so hot, but a lot of fun. my girlfriend and i had to take a break and get out of the sun for a bit, but the boys were much tougher and stayed in the sun the entire time. i slathered myself in sun block several times throughout the game as i kept sweating it off.

my new bra arrived yesterday ~ the 34D ~ and it's a bit snug and i have to close it on the last hook, so really, i need a 36D instead. sigh.

i also ordered a new cell phone today. yipee! i have been checking out the refurbished phones and i was undecided between two different ones. today i went back and checked on them and one of the phones i was considering dropped in price so i knew i had to have it. i'm so excited. it should get it sometime this week. i really wanted to get an iphone, but i could just not justify the price, even on the refurbished ones. but i think i will really like the one i got.

next weekend we're heading up to hubby's family cabin and i'm really looking forward to it. we haven't been out of town for a while now and the cabin is so relaxing and peaceful so i am thrilled that we're going. it will just be the two of us, which will be extra nice.

well, i'm hungry and tired so i better get...

another conversation with my mother.

2008-05-14T13:25:00.000-07:00

mom " so we have a few gifts for you from your aunt for the baby. we'll get them to you whenever we see you next."

me " well, i'll be down in june for my shower."

mom " ugh. june is so hot."

me " well, i need to have the shower before the baby is due. besides the shower is in hermosa beach so it will be cooler there."

mom " we're going to a wedding in june for a second cousin of yours that you don't know. "

me " um. okay. who is it and when are you going? "

mom " it's june 21 in kansas."

me " um..that's the same date as my shower. "

mom " well, he comes from an unstable family. you know, he was born out of wedlock. so i want to be there to support him."

me " so you're going to some guys wedding who you barely know instead of my shower?"

mom "you sound like you have a cold. are you sick? "

seriously. and you wonder why we're not close.

question.

2008-05-14T11:13:00.000-07:00

would you buy a refurbished cell phone from a reputable dealer ie: at&t, verizon, t-mobile? i'm looking to get a new phone since i need to give back my work phone when i leave and found some good deals on refurbished ones. what do you recommend?

nothing of importance.

2008-05-13T12:40:00.000-07:00

i have a cold and don't like it one bit. i woke up yesterday morning with a sore throat and sneezed all day long. i thought perhaps it was just allergies, but i am now convinced it is a cold. i did sleep well last night, though. i just feel crummy today. my head is all stuffy and full of cobwebs and my throat is still really sore. and i cannot stop sneezing. sigh. oh well. my asshat boss is off today and for that i am so glad. i don't really have much to do today, which sure helps with the being sick part.

last night as i went to bed, hubby decided to go with me, which is rare as he usually cuddles up on the couch and falls asleep there then gets himself to bed somewhere in the middle of the night. anyhow, he asked how the baby was doing and if she had been kicking recently. i told him she hadn't kicked in a little while and that she might be done for the night. well, he scooted over to me and put his hand on my belly and started talking to her...and she kicked! it was so sweet. she kicked about 5 times just for him.

i just had to buy a new bra as i'm busting out of my current one. i'm now up to a 34-d. yikes!

thursday thirteen

2008-05-08T17:40:00.000-07:00

13 names i will not be naming little miss peanut:

1. brumhilda (my mother's suggestion)

2. bernadette ( my mother's suggestion)

3. mary katherine

4. virginia

5. victoria

6. elizabeth

7. kennedy

8. makenzie

9. ainsley

10. agnes

11. tiffany

12. chrystal

13. sharon

humph.

2008-05-07T20:34:00.000-07:00

after much discussion last night, hubby convinced me not to go to the City tonight for the book reading that i really wanted to go to. he was concerned with me driving by myself and being in the City at 6 1/2 months pregnant.

even my argument that i drive the same distance to work each day and that we lived in the City for 2 years and that i grew up in a city didn't hold any weight with him. i told him to come with me, that perhaps he would enjoy the reading as well, but he didn't want to go. i finally relented, realizing that there are other battles that i would like to have and win. i am disappointed that i didn't get to go, but i do see his point ~ sort of.

and oddly enough, as soon as i left work today i was suddenly exhausted and took a nap as soon as i got home, so i would have been a mess had i tried to go to the reading. i guess it all worked out for the best.

hubby ended up coming home late and was only home about a half hour before he headed out to a meeting. i'm glad for the quiet.

little miss peanut has been kicking up quite the storm this evening and i'm in super comfy clothes, so i'm happy.

and thank god i'm on my meds again or else this wouldn't have been so easy to deal with!

cheers and jeers.

2008-05-05T11:00:00.000-07:00

cheer: at my doctor's appointment on wednesday, i was put back on my anti-anxiety meds. praise the jesus baby. i noticed the difference almost immediately. the midwife that i had met with said she was really surprised that my other doctor had taken me off of it as the kind i was on didn't have any side effects. and, since i had been on it for 7 years already, it wasn't so great for me to be off, either. i love my new doctor's office.

jeer: the weather was sunny but so cold yesterday. like, really cold. and windy.

cheer: my asshat boss is out today so it's just me in the office. whoot!

jeer: we still haven't received our economic stimulus check.

cheer: we bought baby furniture this weekend; a crib and mattress, a chest of drawers, a glider with an ottoman and a bob jogger so hubby can take little miss peanut on runs with him.

jeer: i am now blocked from listening to radio stations on the computer at work. damn big brother.

cheer: but, i am now able to get on msn messenger at work. anyone want to chat!?

jeer: we're having a garage sale on saturday and still have so much work to do.

cheer: i went online to place an ad in the paper for said garage sale, but realized it cost $20 to do so, so i emailed my friend at the paper and he placed the ad for me for free.

seriously?

2008-05-01T16:12:00.000-07:00

wow. i just sat through what had to be one of the most idiotic meetings. ever. my asshat of a boss was explaining that we need to be prepared for hard times. that there is this thing called a recession that we may experience.

really? no shit.

he then went on to say "i've never been through hard times in my life before. i was born in '65 and there has never been a recession since i've been alive."

wtf?

did he miss the early 80's? or how about in the early 90's? or what about the recession in the 2000's that resulted as a combination of the dot com crash and about 9-11? my dad was laid off from his job in the early 90's and hubby was laid off from his job during the dot com crash, both due to the recessions at the time. good god. every day this guy is a bigger douche.

thursday thirteen

2008-05-01T02:48:00.000-07:00

because i'm lacking in the creativity department today, here's a list of 13 things i am currently coveting:

1. an iphone. i have a super slick blackberry world edition that i use for work, but i will have to give that back once i am on maternity leave, so i will need a new phone.

2. tory burch revas ballet slippers. i just love the look of these shoes. they come in an array of colors and are so comfy.

3. penelope bedding from pottery barn kids. it's on my registry, but i really, really like it a lot. i think out of everything i've registered for, it's what i'd like the most.

4. i'd like to go away for a long weekend to santa barbara. it's my most favorite place to visit and it's been forever since i've been there.

5. pinkberry frozen yogurt. it's the yummiest frozen yogurt i've ever tasted.

6. to go to felicia sullivan's book reading next week in the City. this was such a great, well written book and i would just love to go and meet her.

7. i would love to start up a delivery of flowers from the best flower shop, ever, fleuressence. i had stopped getting flowers delivered a few months ago when money was a bit tight and never resumed delivery.

8. a kate spade diaper bag. currently this is the one i like the best, but there's always a new one out that catches my eye.

9. a new kate spade wallet. my current wallet is so worn and tattered that my credit cards keep falling out.

10. an ipod music interface for my volvo so my ipod will run seamlessly through the stero without having to use the odd shaped gadget that i currently have plugged into the dash.

11. the debra necklace in the wild rose design by the fabulous wendy brandes.

12. a trip to sedona to stay at l'auberge de sedona. we had planned a trip there last year, but i suddenly became unemployed and we had to cancel the trip.

a complete full day at the spa. i want to be totally pampered for hours on end.

have a few extra dollars? then please help...

2008-04-30T10:52:00.000-07:00

One of my really good friends has recenty become involved as a volunteer camp counselor at Camp Hope California, a free weekend camp dedicated to helping young people who have recently experienced the loss of a parent or loved one.

Sadly, his dad died suddenly in 1979, when he was just 13 and about to enter high school. After his dad died, his longtime family friends took his family on a camping trip, with the idea of taking their minds off their recent loss. In talking to him he often will say that if it is a stretch to say that trip saved his life, it is not much of a stretch.

Recently there was an article in the Sacramento Bee (click to read the article) about this camp and my friend felt the need to go and take part in their program. He's told me that he instantly recognized the look on the brave young girl's face and decided to contact Camp Hope and see what he could do to help them. He will be attending their Spring camp in Livermore as a counselor during the first weekend in May.

Because he is such a great friend to me and because this is such a worthy cause, I would like to ask all of you who can do so to join me in helping support this very worthwhile cause by making a tax deductible contribution to Camp Hope.

Camp Hope is a 501c(3) nonprofit organization, and your tax deductible donations can be made out to Dan Hebert Camp Hope.

Checks can be mailed to Camp Hope at:

7441 Foothills Blvd. Suite 175 PMB 75
Roseville, CA 95747

or you can donate online via your paypal account or a credit card.

Thank you for anything you can give, even if it is just kind thoughts of hope for this to be a great weekend for all involved.

nothing in particular.

2008-04-29T09:52:00.000-07:00

i had to get some more maternity clothes yesterday because i have already grown out of some of the stuff i bought two months ago. sigh. luckily there was stuff on sale at old navy so i didn't spend too much. and i found a consignment store in town that has gently used baby clothes, furniture and maternity clothes, so i picked up a few items there as well. i'm just over buying maternity clothes! i only have so many options and i have to look nice for work, so it's a bit challenging. i did get a cute black tshirt at the consignment shop that says 'due in august' on the front in pretty script. now if only i could wear that every day so people would stop asking.

i seemed to have popped overnight. one day i was barely showing, and now it's like 'hello, baby belly'! i sort of have a mini fort of pillows that i sleep with each night, much to hubby's chagrin. i totally baracade myself in for some sort of comfort, but he's a bit convinced i'm doing that so he can't touch me. perhaps i let him think that, but it really is for the comfort.

i have now also begun to waddle, which is bizarre to me. one day i was walking fine, now i sort of sway from side to side. today i have ankles, yesterday they had disappeared for a while. i'm constantly looking down to see where i'm at with them. it just makes me feel funny when they disappear on me. i know it's due to heat and water retention, but still.

i also notice that i spill stuff on myself way more often because there is way more sticking out. even when i wash my hands, i always seem to get water droplets on my top. but i guess the chocolate stain on my crisp white blouse was because i was a messy chocolate bar eater this morning and not anything else...

weekend update.

2008-04-28T12:35:00.000-07:00

ah, the weekend. it started out crummy but then ened up being okay. friday was payday but my check was not what it was supposed to be due to much miscommunication in my department, so i wasn't paid for a good chunk of time. all would have been fine, except when i brought it to the attention of the gal in the payroll department, she told me that it would be best for me to wait until the next pay period to get the amount which was owed to me. when i told her i needed the money right away as i had rent to pay, she told me she didn't feel like cutting me a check because she wanted to go home ~ it was only 3 pm by that time ~ and would have the check ready for my by the end of the month. seriously? you can't mess with people's pay. does she not realize that it's against the law to do that? obviously not. so, i had to cancel some plans for the weekend as i was out of cash. and i was pissed.

saturday was uneventful as i stayed home since i didn't have any spending money. i did run errands, but that's about it. later that evening i got a call from my folks that they were in town and would be stopping by for a light lunch on sunday. um..really? thanks for the notice. so not only am i out of money, i now have to make lunch for them and two other people they had along with them. and hubby was off this weekend hunting so i had no help from him. i pulled something together ~ which turned out quite good if i do say so myself ~ and we sat outside as the weather was nice. hubby showed up about a half hour before they left so he didn't have to entertain them too much. i was annoyed that he was gone so long, which was completly intentional on his part as he knew they were coming and didn't want to be around them.

luckily, they left relatively early and after cleaning the kitchen, i took a much needed nap. sunday evening we went to a friend's house for dinner, which was nice. we were both exhausted by the time we got home and were in bed pretty early. i am now at the uncomfortable stage of my pregnancy, which is a bit annoying as i can't sit, stand or lie for any lenght of time without changing positions.

this morning hubby commented how my arms are getting bigger (and with added chunk) and that i needed to start excercizing. i totally lost it only him. he apologized. but i'm still annoyed. people keep telling me you get pampered and taken care of when you're pregnant. i'm now 6 months along and still waiting for that to happen.

some sass.

2008-04-24T15:35:00.001-07:00

a conversation that just happened in my office with one cute boy and two others standing by:

cute boy: "you look like you're ready to pop"

me: "well, i have a few more months to go, but i'm definitely showing now"

cb: "you look like you've gained some weight" looks at my boobs.

me: "yeah, and in all the right places." as i touch my belly and my boobs.

yes, boys and girs, i am getting my sass back. whew. it's about time. i was fearing i had lost it.

thursday thirteen.

2008-04-24T14:41:00.000-07:00

because i haven't done one of these in a while and because i know lisa really likes them, i give you a thursday thirteen.

here are thirteen things i want to do before little miss peanut arrives:

1. have brunch with my girlfriends more often.

2. spend a weekend in santa barabara.

3. spend a weekend in san luis obispo.

4. learn how to make a few new recipies for dinner (suggestions welcome!)

5. write enough short stories to send off to a publisher.

6. have something published on indie bloggers.

7. attend several book club meetings.

8. walk through the redwoods.

9. get my hair into a style i actually like.

10. put up framed photographs in the livingroom and bedroom.

11. figure out the household finances and decide my going back to work plan.

12. finish the nursery entirely.

13. put up curtains in the living room and make it prettier.

ramblings.

2008-04-20T10:49:00.000-07:00

lately my mind has been racing with so many thoughts. racing more than usual, i guess i should say, as it's always motoring along. i have tried to write here so many times, but i feel so scattered that i never know where to start. so i am just going to ramble.

i've had nothing to do all weekend, which has been just great. the weather is cold and sunny but really windy so i can't do anything outside, which is a bit disappointing. i would really like to wash my car but i know as soon as i do, all the pollen that has been flying around will just land right back on my car. but, at least it's sunny and pretty out, even if i have to enjoy it from the inside.

i attacked my mini closet yesterday. i've been really down lately because nothing fits me anymore. yes, i realize that i am pregnant and that this is normal. i get that. it still doesn't mean that i have to like it. i literally went from having hundreds of options to about 10. i've already spent a ton on maternity clothes and i feel like i have nothing. and because my boobs have grown so much i can no longer fit into tops that i used to and that just blows. i mean, i knew my stomach would get big, but i didn't think my boobs would grow so much so fast and sadly, i know they haven't stopped growing yet, either. i have tons of great clothes that i can no longer wear and it makes me sad looking at all of them just hanging in my closet so i purged it all yesterday. i have a rolling storage thing in the closet that i keep winter coats in so i put a lot of my clothes that i can no longer wear in the garage. but there was still a ton of stuff that i haven't worn in forever, so i'm getting rid of all of that as well. we're planning to have a garage sale in about 3 weeks so i'll try selling some of my clothes then and the rest i will give to charity. i know i will be able to fit into some of the clothes again, but i know there will be a lot that i won't be able to wear anymore. before i even got pregnant, i was outgrowing some things and was frankly tired of the clothes i had. the hardest things to let go of are all my pairs of designer jeans. oh, i won't get rid of all of them, but i will have to let go of quite a few.

i'm so over where we live. i've actually never really liked living here, though it is quite beautiful. it's like a little piece of paradise. however, the people who live up here are the snobbiest, most pretentious people i have ever met. there is a ton of money up here and the people who live here are constantly trying to keep up with each other in the most unhealthy ways. and they're all 'new money' so they don't really have the concept of saving for a rainy day and live these completely ostentatious lives, which is so not me. thankfully, hubby feels the same way as i do and we are looking to move in the next year or so. we had wanted to move this year, but that was before we found out i was pregnant so now we have to wait. we definitely don't want to say and grow old here. there's absolutely nothing keeping us here, which makes moving all that easier.

my disdain for my mil has grown to hatred with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. really. it gets worse and worse each time i have to interact with her. she just boils my blood. people keep telling me i will be thankful for her once the baby is born. but really? that freaks me out to no end that she will be nearby. she is one of the least maternal people i know. she is cold and unloving. and incredibly judgmental. and bitter. and now she is behaving like this child that i am carrying is hers. i guess she has always wanted a girl and even told hubby's father that unless he could guarantee her a girl, she didn't want any more children because she was so sick of boys. she cries every time i see or talk to her about how excited she is about me having a girl. dude. it's not yours. get the fuck over it. the day we found out, we called her and she insisted we come over and show her the ultra sound pictures. both hubby and i were exhausted from the week and called that evening to say we wouldn't have time as we were leaving for the weekend and she pulled this total crying guilt trip on hubby so we had to go just to placate her. she again started in on the water works when we got there and gave us this hideous pink outfit for the baby. i was gracious about it but am so not looking forward to receiving other things from her. yes, i am being an ungrateful twit. but if you had to deal with her, you would be, too.

i'm really starting to get worried about how things will be after i give birth. i mean immediately afterwards, like the first two weeks or so. hubby isn't prepared in the least and he's not exactly the most caring person out there. okay, okay. he cares, but he just doesn't know how to show it. he's more into the ignore-it-and-it-will-go-away kind of mindset. and he also thinks i'm faking it when i tell him i'm not feeling well. i don't have any girlfriends nearby that i can call to help out and i know my parents won't be visiting me, either, with means i will have to rely on my mil. i am seriously concerned about this. i only have one girlfriend who i would call and she lives in LA and is a teacher and well, that just won't work. and besides, our house is so mini that no one would be able to stay with us, so asking anyone to come help would be out of the question because we can't afford to put someone up at a hotel.

i just finished reading the latest book by jhumpa lahiri called unaccustomed earth. she is by far my favorite author and her books always leave me wanting more. i love reading so much because it allows me to just melt away into another place and time. books have always been my greatest form of escape from the doldrums of everyday life. some girls i know in town just invited me to be part of their monthly book club and i'm thinking of joining. i missed the first meeting due to a migraine, but do want to participate in the next go round.

well, little miss peanut is doing gymnastics in my belly so i'm going to get up and move around a bit.

good times.

2008-04-19T21:56:00.000-07:00

over the past few days i've stumbled across a few new blogs which have left me wanting more, so i thought i would share. nice of me, isn't it. heh.

first, to help me through my days at work at the dreaded job, i now read true office confessions many times throughout the day. i may even keep it open with my fingers on the alt-tab position just in case the evil boss man walks by so i can pretend i'm really working on a spreadsheet. it's good to know others are at dreaded jobs as well.

next i have found who what wear daily which is a fun site to gawk at more fashion that i can't afford. hey, at least a girl can dream, right?

and lastly but certainly not leastly, i have found jurgen nation which totally rocks. this chick writes well and i totally relate to a ton of what she has to say. today's post was about some great books i read growing up and now i want to go read them all again. she's also the moderator of indie bloggers and i swear one day i will have the courage to submit something.

dfw.

2008-04-15T16:08:00.000-07:00

is it wrong that i just double clicked my mouse at my desk while my boss was out of our office and that i could have totally been caught by someone walking by?

2008-04-15T12:11:00.000-07:00

You Are A Little Snobby

And being a little snobby every once and a while is totally allowed.

Because if no one was ever snobby, no one would ever try to dress up or look pretty.

And while you do enjoy the finest things in life (that you can afford), you tire of superficiality.

You know there's more to life than what's just on the surface.

Are You a Snobby Girl?

have you seen my ankles? they're missing.

2008-04-13T16:55:00.000-07:00

i no longer have ankles. i now have cankles. hubby is now calling me cankie. we spent the weekend in LA and it was SO HOT. like 94 degrees hot. my legs, feet and hands were swollen the whole time and i was a bit miserable. sigh.

we went home for a wedding. a very whiskey tango wedding. we left friday morning and arrived in sunny hot LA and headed straight to tommy's for a burger. mmm. we thought we would have a nice afternoon to relax on my parent's patio, but my father decided that we needed to leave 2 hours before the rehearsal dinner, which was a mere 25 miles away. seriously. he said there was an accident and didn't want to hit traffic. the accident had happened 4 hours before we had to leave. so, we arrived an hour and a half early. luckily we were able to convince him that we were NOT going to arrive that early as it was at the groom's parent's house and we didn't know the people. so instead, we sat at a dirty mcdonald's in the ghetto of whittier. nice.

we finally arrive at the dinner and proceed to sit around and wait for everyone else to show up because this family is always late. like hours late. we finally sit down to eat and neither hubby or i can stomach the food because it's so god awful ~ vats of grocery store lasagna and dry garlic bread ~ so we just sipped on soda. dessert was strawberry cupcakes with super sweet frosting, which neither of us could eat, either. we then headed to the church for the rehearsal but of course, we got lost because my father does not believe in asking for directions. we finally arrive and run through the ceremony. i'm doing a reading but they don't even make me practice it, which turns out to be fine, since the next day we are totally late to the wedding because my father, yet again, didn't want to ask for directions and we get there AFTER i am supposed to read. nice. so we sit in the back of the church while i am feeling absolutely awful for being so late and my dad just shrugs his shoulders at me, like it's no big deal. i don't even go up for communion, i feel so bad. at least i get to rest my swollen feet on the cool church floor.

after the ceremony, we have a 2 hour wait until the reception begins so we head to uptown whittier. my father wants to head to the reception early, but again, we convince him that it won't be ready. it is sweltering out and we ask to stop for water, but he is convinced that we if we head to the reception, there will be something for us there. finally, he pulls into a 7 eleven where we run into two guys who are total tweakers. and obviously gang members. i am totally scared. and normally i don't get scared but these guys are a mess. they finally leave and we pay and head out. we park totally far away from the reception and my legs and feet are killing me but, again, my father refuses to let us stop and rest. we arrive at the reception site and leave my folks and venture out to find something to eat. thank god we do because the reception doesn't start for several hours because the wedding party took pictures for 2 1/2 hours and didn't arrive until after 6 pm.

by 8:00 pm hubby and i are done, even though things are still barely getting started. i text my girlfriend and she is the bestest friend ever and comes and picks us up. my folks give me attitude for leaving and have absolutely no empathy for the fact that i am really uncomfortable. we leave and head to baskin robbins for a sweet treat. hubby and i are in bed a little after 10 pm.

the weekend was not a total loss, though. saturday morning we met up with my girlfriend (the same rockstar who rescued us later that night) and headed out to pasadena for brunch and shopping. oh and pinkberry. mmm.

we got home this afternoon and it's almost just as hot up here. my mother in law was supposed to take care of the kitties while we were gone, but we came home to them being totally out of food and water. and the scoop for the litter was still in the box. um...wtf? she also had bought some flowers, but since they were out of water, they had knocked over the vase, thus spilling water all over the mail, the kitchen table and the floor. she had obviously not been there today, which is pretty crappy seeing how it is in the upper 80's outside and did i mention the cats are out of water??? and she knew we wouldn't be here until late afternoon and she only lives 15 minutes away. sigh.

oh, great. now i have acid reflux. lovely. and atty just threw up. waa.

why i am so glad i changed doctors.

2008-04-08T16:21:00.000-07:00

when my original ultrasound was cancelled on friday, march 28, i called my then doctor's office and let them know i would be changing providers and would be cancelling my appointment i had on april 1 because the appointment was useless without the ultrasound.

they then called me on tuesday, april 1 to ask if i was changing providers as they had received the paperwork from my new doctor requesting my medical records. again, i told them i was and gave them the name of my new doctor, which they also had on the paperwork that the new doctor's office had faxed to them.

i just got another call from them asking me if i was changing providers because they had received paperwork requesting my medical information to be sent to another doctor. oh, and it's the same girl that has called each time. seriously? so that means they have been sitting on my paperwork for a little over a week now, which is great because tomorrow i go into the new doctor for my ultrasound and he needs my previous medical records.

i am so, so glad that i have changed doctors!!!

yay!

2008-04-08T08:28:00.000-07:00

the countown down is closing in...tomorrow we find out the sex of the peanut! oh oh oh i just felt a kick! so stay tuned....

shopping!!

2008-04-07T18:58:00.001-07:00

I went shopping with one of my girlfriends yesterday for some sassy maternity clothes. i can no longer wear anything in my closet and it's making me so sad. like really sad. and i doubt i will ever be able to fit into it most of it again. (i was already starting to grow out of things before i got pregnant.)

anywho, it was time to find something new. and besides, i'm in a wedding next weekend where i'm doing a reading, so i had to find something that wasn't so frumpy. so, my first stop was mimi maternity where i found that darling dress below. i look so preggers in it!! then my girlfriend found the sassy top and i knew i had to have it. next came the sweater and a few tank tops, v-necks and scoop neck t's.

then we went to cole haan where i found those delicious shoes. they were a splurge, but so worth it. they have nike air cushions in the insole so it feels like i'm walking on air. i love them!

it was a much needed day of girl time. we started with brunch, had a mid afternoon snack and shopped until we literally dropped. it was great!

sigh.

2008-04-07T11:13:00.000-07:00

so i just talked to hr and i am only allowed 6 weeks off for maternity leave. 6 weeks is nothing! if i have a c-section, then i'm allowed 8 weeks. i will have been at my job one month shy of a year by the time i deliver, so there is nothing the state can do for me, either. to say this blows is an understatement. i really don't know what i'm going to do. i don't want to come back here, but i don't want to have to pay back insurance money, either. and i'm not quite sure how to ask that without totally tipping my hand. i did ask in a round about way and was told all i would have to do is write a letter, but i'm not so sure of the legal ramifications. i mean, i seriously doubt they would let me off that easily...

dear hubby

2008-04-04T11:46:00.000-07:00

dear hubby,

why must you be such an asshat when you are tired? yeah, i get it. you work long hours and your job tends to be pretty stressful, especially right now. but really? i am so tired of you taking it out on me, especially when i'm trying to sleep. i do not appreciate how loud you are. i don't understand how you can be so inconsiderate, slamming around the house after it is clear that i have gone to sleep.

and when you come to bed at 3 in the morning because you have fallen asleep on the couch, it would be nice if you could quietly come to bed instead of being so obnoxiously loud. i know you need your inhaler before you lie down, but do you really have to yank open your dresser drawer, root around then throw it back in when you're done?

also, do you really have to force open the door so hard when you come in? i don't ever shut it entirely so the cats can come in and out, so there is never a need for you to push with all your might and make it slam to the wall.

and stop taking all the covers when you get in!

i would also really appreciate it if you kept your freaking mouth shut and refrained from yelling profanities at me when you wake up throughout the night. i'm sorry if i turn over now and then or bump into you. by no means does that give you the right to yell such gems as "knock your fucking shit off" "you need to go to the fucking couch" and "stop your fucking snoring, you are such a pain in the ass to sleep with". (for the record, i had no idea i was snoring, but i did wake up with a really stuffy nose, so i'm sure that was why i was snoring. because normally? i don't make a sound when i sleep and you know that.)

also? when my alarm goes off an hour after yours and you are still in bed, do not yell at me to get out of bed. it's not my fault you overslept and now want me to rush around. it actually makes me move slower.

and yes. i was especially annoyed with you this morning. i had pretty much been awake since 3 am when you came to bed. yes, i left early because i didn't want to deal with you anymore. and while i appreciate that you called me to apologize, this behavior repeats itself all too often so saying sorry to me just doesn't work anymore.

you need to reevaluate how you are acting. if you are so tired, go to bed. lying on the couch watching tv doesn't help you get a restful night of sleep. and the fact that you are getting up a the asscrack of dawn both days this weekend to hunt all day is only going to be disasterous and you know it. i would appreciate it if you would actually go to bed at a decent hour instead of being a hard headed jerk.

signed,
your incredably exhausted wife

prost questionaire.

2008-04-03T18:18:00.000-07:00

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

being able to sleep in a big fluffy bed without waking up until i want to, then spending an afternoon outside in the sun on the coast with friends, all without a care in the world.

What is your greatest fear?

being alone and unloved.

Which historical figure do you most identify with?

i have no idea.

Which living person do you most admire?

my girlfriend lisa who quit a job that she didn't like, then moved to italy to pursue her dream of going to culinary school.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

procrastination

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

cattiness and extreme judgment

What is your greatest extravagance?

kate spade handbags, designer shoes and chanel makeup

What is your favorite journey?

the trip i took to the south with a girlfriend after college

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

virginity until marriage

On what occasion do you lie?

when the truth will hurt, and usually only if it's a white lie

What do you dislike most about your appearance?

my awful hair cut

Which living person do you most despise?

my new boss

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

"are you fucking kidding me?!" and "jesus fucking christ"

What is your greatest regret?

i try to live my life without regrets

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

my kitties

Which talent would you most like to have?

to be able to do math in my head

What is your current state of mind?

melancholy

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?

only one thing? where do i start? i guess i would want them to have compassion, which they currently lack...

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

graduating from college

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?

i really have no idea

If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?

a cat

What is your most treasured possession?

a sterling silver starfish necklace from tiffany's that i bought with my first paycheck from my first job post-college.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

at the very end of my drinking, when i didn't want to be alive anymore.

Where would you like to live?

on the coast

What is your favorite occupation?

i'm still searching for it.

What is your most marked characteristic?

my spunky nature

What is the quality you most like in a man?

intelligence and a quick wit

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

sass

What do you most value in your friends?

loyalty, wit, and the ability to come forth with close criticism, but in a kind way.

Who are your favorite writers?

jodi picoult, mary karr, jhumpa lahiri, tom robbins, joyce carol oates

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?

alice in wonderland

Who are your heroes in real life?

people who stand up for what they belive in, even if no one belives in them.

What are your favorite names?

it changes every day!

What is it that you most dislike?

people who are ignorant

How would you like to die?

painlessly and in my sleep.

What is your motto?

life is short. live without regrets.

i see your true colors, shining thru*

2008-04-02T15:05:00.000-07:00

first off, thank you, kind people, who have made me feel so much better about the nasty email that was sent to me. to say it shook me up is an understatement. at no point did i ever regret saying those things about the hospital, nor do i feel ashamed of my emotions. i feel i have every right to say and feel those things. i have had many horrible experiences at said hospital, so i feel even more justified at being angry. and to be told that my "harsh opinions" should not be shared was absolutely ridiculous. as a good girlfriend pointed out " well, I would want to know why I shouldn't go there. I don't want to go to a hospital that gives crappy service." my point exactly. so see, i was definitely not just being a pissy angry pregnant chick.

here are just a few examples of what we have recently experienced: when i had my awful accident back in november and was taken to emergency, i was barely looked over, regardless of the fact that i had a giant goose egg forming on my right temple. when i voiced my concern about my ever growing bump and bloodshot eyes, i was given the look of " oh, please, you patheic girl" and told i would be fine. several days later i was taken to a different hospital near my work due to my arms, legs and face going completly numb. turns out i had suffered a concusion during my accident that the hospital overlooked in their rush to get me out the door.

another time, hubby was suffereing from a severe athsma attack and when he asked for an x-ray to be done of his lungs, ~ he's very prone to getting phenomonia ~ the doctor flat out refused, saying he was " just trying to save us money". we finally got in a pissing contest with him and he relented. turns out hubbys lungs were 3/4 the way full with fluid, and he did, in fact, have phenomonia. nice. we have insurance ~ and good insurance, at that~ and are also willing to pay for things out of pocket when necessary, so it's not like we are being difficult patients.

i could seriously go on and on. there has not been one time where we have had a good experience at that hospital, nor have many of our friends and family who have also gone there. yes, i know things have now worked out, but my point is i feel completly justifed by my reaction on friday to the inital cancellation call and my reaction to the nasty email on monday. and out of all the people i have told, only two people have been nasty back. coincidently, they are two motherless ladies in aa, both of whom lectured me on my anger, saying that it was bad to harbor such feelings. really? so you should never get angry about anything? last time i checked, anger was a normal emotion....but i digress.

even hubby, who is pretty hard core in aa, thought the email was out of line. he, too, agreed that i didn't need to justify my emotions or opinions on the issue, and frankly agreed with everything that i had said and done and was actually impressed that i had restrained myself so much when talking to the hospital ~ i ended the converstaion with the bitchy receptionist who had given me attitude the whole time, and actually had the audacity to tell me that i wasn't the only person who was being rescheduled three weeks out and this was typical by saying " that's fucking ridiculous" and hanging up ~ thank the jesus baby on that, because if he didn't agree, i would have bitch slapped him into next week. um...wot?

anyhow, i've been in a bit of a mood this week ~ surprise, surprise. this incident sure put things into perspective for me. it's interesting what makes people react in the ways they do. i also know that i will never confide in her ever again, as i don't need harsh judgement and critisism from somone who i thought was supposed to care about my well being. it's one things to disagree with me in a totally tactful way, but not to cut me down and make me feel like crap. i really value the opinions of my friends ~ not that i ever considered her one, but regardless ~ especially when we disagree on things. but i expect them to give me the same respect that i give to them. and while i don't always see eye to eye with my friends, i don't ever 'bitch slap' them and give them my 'better than you' opinion, even if i am better. totally kidding. i'm not better than anyone. wellll...okay, okay...i'm not.

hubby once commented that the reason i don't have any adult women who i am close to is because i don't let them in, that i'm too guarded. well, if they treat me the way this 'sponsor' did, i don't go back for seconds. and i have a lot of wonderful friends my own age, so while it would be nice to have a few ladies who are older as friends, i'm certainly not crying a river over not having any.

and sadly, this whole experience lives an even more bitter taste in my mouth about aa. it is said that once you become sober, you learn how to deal with your emotions and you can feel things that you had been repressing with alcohol for so long. well, it seems very aparant to me, that by feelings, they mean anything that is happy, nothing harsh, sad or upsetting. but really, what is life without the ups and downs? you can't be happy all the time. sure, you don't want to be sad, but it's totally unrealistic to think happiness is the only way to live. of course i always want to be positive and optimistic, but it's not always realistic. shit happens. and then you deal with it, the best way you know how. so what if it's to get angry? now, if i was angry all the time and constantly threw temper tantrums, maybe that would be something to look into. but seriously? i don't know the last time i was so angry that i saw red, and dammit, i was justified. so there.

* cyndi lauper

this is why AA pisses me off.

2008-03-31T12:09:00.000-07:00

i received this email this morning from my 'sponsor'. seriously, are you fucking kidding me? oh, gee. i guess i should never get upset, never let anything bother me and continue to keep everything that bothers me inside. ahh. wait. i used to do that and that lead me to drink all the time....

Good morning,

I HOPE by now that the anger and resentment you had on Friday has been prayed away. We ask God to remove our defects of character. Life doesn't go our way. But, I learned in AA that if there is something upsetting me, then I need to take a look at why. Step 4 teaches me how to take a look at our part and see what the anger and resentment effects. I learn that we need to take "blame" out of the situation.
That fact the you don't like the Hospital is your opinion and it shouldn't be expressed so harshly to others. The conversation with your doctor's office was full of anger and resentment. Think how you would have felt being at the receiving end of the phone conversation when you swore at the receptionist. That was not appropriate behavior. Step 10 says, when we were wrong to promptly admit it.
As it worked out, you now have a good doctor and will deliver the baby at the hospital you really wanted to from the beginning. That is when I say "thanks God".
After we complete the 12 steps, we commence to live them in our daily life. Now, go and have a grateful day!

xoxo

ANGRY NEWS.

2008-03-28T11:59:00.001-07:00

Well, I was hoping to send out delightful news today about my ultrasound results and what we are having, BUT, I received a phone call today saying there wasn't a tech available to do my ultrasound at the hospital ~ an appointment which I had schedule one month ago ~ and that the earliest they can get me in is in 3 weeks. Needless to say, I will not be rescheduling with the WORST HOSPITAL IN THE WORLD. I also called my doctor to see what my options are, and sadly, he only delivers at THE WORST HOSPITAL IN THE WORLD so I also need to find a new doctor today.

To say that I am upset is the understatement of the year. I am not sad, but very, very frustrated. Pissed, is more like it.

I will let you know as more develops....

UPDATE: my mil gave me the name of the doc that delivered both hubby and his brother. i have an appointment with him on monday. his office is next to a great hospital about 15 miles from home. i'm keeping my fingers crossed that this goes well. unfortunately this appointment will be just a general one without a sonogram, but i'm hoping to have one soon. i'm sure this other hospital will have more than one tech on staff so it shouldn't be a problem....i hope.

overwhelmed and tired.

2008-03-26T18:11:00.000-07:00

i want to cry. i want to scream. but mostly, i want to curl up into a ball and hide under the covers with my cat.

i moved into a new office with my newish boss yesterday and to say it's been awful is a bit of an understatement. my other boss can no longer run interference since it's just me and the other guy in this tiny room. he's very condescending and is right about everything. he also loves to throw me ~ and others ~ under the bus. it's very tiring and annoying. and while i know i'm a smart girl, he has this uncanny way of making me feel like an idiot. i know it shouldn't stress me out, but it does. and since i can't take any of my meds, it really sucks even more. yes, i totally miss not being on lexapro and ativan. they help me an amazing amount and not being able to take them is really hard. i miss the sense of calm and wellbeing they bring me.

i do my best at dealing with my inner demons but sometimes it gets to be too much and i just want to run away from it all. but i know i can't. and i won't. i feel so alone. and tired. and often scared.

hubby doesn't understand so i don't bother trying to talk to him about how i'm feeling anymore. he always tells me i'm feeling sorry for myself, which i'm usually not. he has no understanding of depression and pretty much thinks i make it up whenever i'm saying i'm feeling down. for me, feeling down doesn't mean i'm feeling sorry for myself. it means a lot of things, but it's just too overwhelming at times. like right now.

a success!

2008-03-23T17:25:00.000-07:00

brunch was a hit. there was no stress, no frustration, no bickering and best of all, no drunkenness.

my menu ~ bacon and potato frittata, mixed green salad with honey-orange dressing, asparagus, spring onion and mushroom saute, buttermilk-apricot scones, blackberry, peach and blueberry salad with a yummy dressing ~ was loved by everyone. this was especially exciting because hubby's family is REALLY picky. and it was the first time i had made any of the recipes, so i was stoked that everyone loved it all.

i had also gone to see's and picked up some extra easter treats for everyone, which were also gobble up quite quickly. i decided not to be extra fussy and used my every day dishes and serving platters instead of getting out the good stuff.

granny stayed behind to help with the dishes, which was much appreciated as we don't have a dishwasher and there were a TON to do.

after everyone left, hubby and i sat outside for a while and soaked up the beautiful sunshine. i'm even sunburned! we then took a long walk to work off our big meal. luckily we have leftovers, so i don't have to do a darn thing for dinner.

now if only i didn't have to go to work tomorrow...

in honor of good friday.

2008-03-21T08:56:00.001-07:00

an easter funny.

2008-03-20T15:59:00.001-07:00

so whatcha think of the new digs?

2008-03-19T21:26:00.000-07:00

obviously i'm in a very indecisive mood. i didn't get much sleep last night ~ for no reason at all, i just couldn't sleep ~ and i've been a bit of a wreck all day. i'm still in a weird fussy place and can't seem to shake it. i do hope it goes away soon as i'm really tired of feeling this way. at least it's one day closer to the weekend...

so should i keep this new background, or should i see what else is out there?

girlie goodies.

2008-03-18T16:25:00.000-07:00

so i broke down this weekend and decided to treat myself to some goodies. first, i bought moisturizer, as recommended by gina. and i'm so glad i did. this stuff is amazing. it has a nice, light scent and has just the right consistancy. it blends in right away and makes my skin feel lovely.

i then decided to treat myself to some other goodies. now normally i'm a benefit gal with splashes of tarte, philosophy, mac and stila thrown in for good measure. this was my first venture into chanel for makeup ~ well except for a few bottles of nailpolish ~ and so far i love it!

this little sploch is the color gloss i got, though it comes in that tube.

this is the fun spring palate of eyeshadow colors and a new black mascara, which i really needed.

all in all i'm really happy with my purchases. i've already received two comments on how i'm glowing. people are convinced it's because i'm pregnant, but i know it's because i'm taking the time to actually do my makeup again and i learned a few tricks while i was at the counter at nordy's. it's really amazing what taking a little time in the morning will do.

so what about you? what is the last thing you splurged on that made you feel extra girlie?

aww.

2008-03-18T12:59:00.000-07:00

so i recently went from thinking no one was going to throw me a shower to 4 different people throwing me showers! a few weeks ago one of my bff's asked to throw me a shower at home in LA and over the weekend my mil said her friends would be throwing me a joint shower with another girl in july.

~ sidenote on this: my mil has a crazy group of friends called the gum's, which means generally unaceptable mothers. they are the mothers of all the kids that hubby grew up with, and are a group of women who were never told they are no longer sorority girls. to say they are a bit obnoxious is an understatement, especially since their biggest thrill in life is competing with each other. the joint shower is because another wife of one of hubby's friends is about 2 weeks behind me. ~

then today another bff asked if she can throw me a shower where i live (she lives a little over an hour away so we're going to have the shower at my house) and shortly after that a girl from work asked if she could throw me one, too. i really am feeling the love today, and it started out as such a crummy day...

it's really nice, too, because there will be totally different people at each shower and i'm so glad it worked out this way. i'm looking most forward to the ones my bff's are thowing me since all my close friends will be invited to those and since everyone lives somewhere other than where i live, it will be an extra special treat.

now i really need to get working on my registries!!

hahah.

2008-03-17T15:05:00.000-07:00

hippety hoppety easter's on it's way...

2008-03-17T14:29:00.000-07:00

i went shopping with my mil this weekend and the topic of easter came up. we haven't done easter together in a few years as eveyone in the family has had seperate plans. this actually worked out pretty well for us since most of these whole extended family gatherings end up being really annoying and obnoxious.

anywho, mil suggested a mid afternoon dinner at her house with just hubby, me, his parents and both grandmothers. after a bit of thought, hubby and i thought it would be nice to do brunch at our house instead.

i'm actually looking forward to doing brunch as it has been forever since i have entertained and it's something i really like doing. besides, mil is a freaking disaster on even small family gatherings. she goes into this crazy freak out mode and is usually drunk before we even eat. plus, i'm really not a fan of her "cooking". so, this way, i can be in charge and have a nice, pleasant afternoon.

i called my girlfriend who does amazing floral arrangements and put in my order so my house will look pretty. i have researched some tasty brunch recipes for something a little bit different. and i will get out my china, crystal and sterling for that extra special touch. and i have all day saturday to prepare everything so i won't have to be stressed on sunday morning.

what do you have planned for easter?

what's on your nightstand?

2008-03-17T11:00:00.000-07:00

i saw this on my new favorite author's blog and thought it was something fun to start the week off with. and while i'm not going to tag anyone, please let me know if you decide to play along, too!

On your nightstand now: keeping faith by jodi picoult

Favorite book when you were a child: where the red fern grows by wilson rawls when i was real young then alice in wonderland by lewis carroll when i was a bit older and the flowers in the attic series by v.c. andrews when i hit about jr high.

Your top five authors: jodi picoult, mary karr, jhumpa lahiri, tom robbins, joyce carol oates

Book you’ve faked reading: a heartbreaking work of staggaring genius by dave eggers. i have picked it up time and time again, yet i just can't get through it.

Books you are an evangelist for: liar's club and cherry by mary karr

Book you’ve bought for the cover: the crimson petal and the white by michel faber. it just looked intriguing with the lush red velvet curtains pushed aside to reveal a disheveled white bed that had obviously just seen a scandolous romp. i was also drawn by the title and the magnitue of the book looked like something i could sink my teeth in.

Book that changed your life: skinny legs and all by tom robbins and the liar's club by mary karr

Favorite line from a book: "Be what you would seem to be -- or, if you'd like it put more simply -- Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise." as said to alice by the dutchess in alice to wonderland by lewis carroll

Scene in a book that made you terrified of marriage: “I firmly believed that if I had picked up a rifle and gone on a murdering rampage, I would have still had the benefit of her unblinking love. Because I have rid her heart of its greatest malady. I had relieved her of the greatest fear of every Afghan mother: that no honorable khastegar would ask for her daughter’s hand. That her daughter would age alone, husband-less, childless. Every woman needed a husband. Even if he did silence the song in her.” from the kite runner by khaled hosseini

Book you most want to read again for the first time: the great gatsby by f. scott fitzgerald

i luv me some joooooohn tayluh.

2008-03-14T15:18:00.001-07:00

after the wise one commented on the post below, i decided to heed his advice and listen to my favorite boys. since i didn't have any of their music with me at work, i decided to have a looksee at what i could find online and discovered rhapsody. omg. that is hands down the best music site evah! i am now rocking out to the best feel good music evah. my frustration, anger and general discomfort is slowly melting away. ahhhh.

and thanks to three of my girlfriends who helped keep me from drowning in helplessness today. two of them texted with me for quite a while and one met me for a coffee break. i have been having a tough time lately and feel like i'm just getting by. no real reason, just in a bit of a funk. feeling a bit low and unloved. i'm sure it's mostly in my head but i haven't been able to shake this feeling. i'm keeping my chin up and moving forward, though. but it sure nice to have people reach out just because. so, thanks, friends. i really do appreciate it.

a conversation with my mother.

2008-03-14T08:29:00.000-07:00

mother " well, you know how jared's wife is pregnant?"

shell " yes."

mother " you don't know the whole story. you probably don't want to know. "

shell " um, yeah, i do. so tell me. "

mother "well they found out the child has down syndrome."

shell " oh no. that's just awful"

mother " that pregnancy needs to be terminated. i couldn't handle that. i don't know why she is insisting on keeping the pregnancy going. they already have one special needs child (jared has one from his first marriage) and that child shouldn't have lived this long. now they are going to bring another child into the world? that's just terrible."

sitting there, staring at my mother while being 4 1/2 months pregnant myself, i had no response.

a girlie question.

2008-03-12T12:28:00.000-07:00

okay, ladies. i need your help. i recently ran out of my moisturizer and have decided it's time to try something new (and the one i was using i got at the salon that i got that awful haircut at so i don't want to go back). but, i'm having a hard time finding one i like. i recently bought 'hope in jar' from philosophy, but i don't really like it. it smells funny and is a little too light for me. i then bought a basic moisturizer from oil of olay, but i'm not really into that one, either. i had creme de la mer for a while but it's so expensive and i know other brands will work just as well.

so can you help me out? what do you use/recommend?

boooring.

2008-03-12T08:44:00.000-07:00

last night hubby left for a business trip so i had the house to myself. i sure can make a mess fast! i didn't do the dishes and left my dinner mess on the counter, left clothes on the floor and blankets on the couch.

i trolled the internets for a good long time while watching law and order. i tried to get into some of the other shows that were on, but i just lost interest too quickly. i did start watching the real housewifes of new york city, though. geesh. talk about some crazy high maintenence broads! some of these gals just didn't realize they were no longer in their twenties. but, it did make for some pretty entertaining television.

i turned the heater on higher than normal and cuddled with the kitties all night.

i so did not want to get out of bed this morning. but, i managed. i even got to work on time. heh. but, as usual, our computers don't want to play nice. they have been crashing nonstop since last wednesday. to say it's annoying would be the understatement of the year. sometimes they crash for a few minutes then other times they are down for a few hours. i'm getting really good at playing brickbreaker on my blackberry.

that of which we do not speak.

2008-03-10T19:43:00.000-07:00

there is this person that i know of. i do not know him personally, anymore. i knew him at one time and mostly through a friend. a friend who is very near and dear to me. this person is evil from every ounce of his being. even if there was some good in him at one point, it has long since whithered away. he's in a place now that is appropriate for a person like him. i check up on him from time to time to make sure he stays there, that his ruling has not been overturned, that he hasn't been able to talk his way out. though i can't ever seem to find a date that will end his time on earth, and i know that date will come, i am glad that he is at a place where he can no longer cause harm. but something in my latest search really bothered me. this horrible person has gotten married. i never can understand the women who seek out the demented and want to marry them. now, this person didn't just do one bad thing. he did a lot of bad things and luckily got caught when he did. this 'bride' of his has to know what he did to get caught, but i'm sure he convinced her that he's a great person despite his heinous actions. i'm sure he also failed to mention what a prick he was, but then again, he was a good manipulator. i guess i should just be satisfied that he is where he is and that he has no chance of leaving. i just don't like that he's able to have a relationship, even if he isn't telling all his truths.

random observations from the greater phoenix area.

2008-03-10T15:53:00.000-07:00

* there are more fast food restaurants than any other kind of eatery. pretty much every corner has one. i never did see a deli or health food store.

* there are also a lot of mid-class greasy places like applebees, chilis and outback steakhouse.

* people there love to drive big, beefy pick up trucks with huge lift kits and enormous tires. the men who live there must have really small penises.

* there are also a ton of strip clubs and adult stores all over the area, not just in a specific section of town. but really seedly looking places.

* there are dive bars aplenty. really seedy dive bars.

* oddly, there are also tons of tanning salons. i guess when the sun doesn't shine for one or two days, people freak out.

* gas is a lot cheaper there than in nor cal. guess that's good for all the beefy pick up trucks.

* strip malls are everywhere. so are big box stores like walmart and target, which are usually in the strip malls.

now, don't get me wrong. i really do like arizona. i've been a bunch of times, though for the most part it has been to northern arizona where the landscape and people a bit different. i've hiked the grand canyon, been thru tons of ghost towns, spent time in the painted desert and the peterified forest. i enjoy the weather in the spring when it's not so hot as in the summer. i love the colors of the landscapes and sunsets and all the fantastic turquoise jewlery. i'm just not too fond of the super seediness that is the phoenix area. and yes, i do realize there are nice parts, like northern scottsdale. i'm just talking about the area as a whole. and it's my opinion, so there!

a boring recap.

2008-03-10T11:44:00.001-07:00

well, i'm back. did you miss me? no, probablly not. we went to scottsdale for the weekend to catch some baseball. it was a bizarre trip, to say the least. i ended up taking friday off and just couldn't get motivated, though i had a ton to do. i eventually got everything done and managed to pack up, get out of the house and pick hubby up from work by late afternoon.

we got to the airport waay too early because hubby never travels so he's hyper paranoid about missing his flight. and by early, i mean a good 3 hours. to catch an earlier flight would have cost us quite a few pennies and i was feeling too cheap to do that since i was paying for the entire weekend.

we finally arrived in phoenix and proceed to get lost as soon as we drove out of the rental car place, so we drove through this totally shady part of phoenix. nice. and we had a totally crappy car ~ a honda civic hybrid. i will never by a hybrid. those cars suck. sure, it's good for the environment and all, but that car was awful. it's no wonder honda stopped making the hybrid.

by the time we arrived at our hotel, it was after 11 pm and we were beat. but, since hubby didn't eat anything since lunch, he was starving. so i had to take him to get fast food, since that was the only thing open, and promptly fell into bed as soon as we got back.

saturday we slept in and i demanded we go to breakfast. this was quite the feat to accomplish as hubby doesn't eat breakfast. we finally found some awful place that made denny's look like a 5 star joint. i couldn't even finish my meal, it was so bad. so really, we weren't off to that swell of a start. while at breakfast, we had to figure out our plan for the day. see, the giants had a split team for the day, so they were playing two games at the same time at two different stadiums. well, i clearly wasn't paying attention when i bought the game tickets as i bought tickets for a game in tuscon, a mere 120 miles away. so, we opted to check out the other game and see if we could get tickets there. we got there 2 hours early and they were already sold out. grr. i then spotted a scalper and we ended up getting great seats for only $35 a pop. whew! (hubby said he would have been fine driving the 120 miles, but that seemed like such a haul to me.)

the weather was perfect and the game was fun. we ened up leaving before the game was over as the giants were loosing, but headed over to the botanical gardens where we wandered around for a while. we then headed over to cabelas to check out the dead animals..err..hunting supplies.

on our way back we went to the olive garden for dinner. i seriously hadn't been to an olive garden in like 5 years. but, it tasted the same a i remembered. once again we were beat by the time we got back to the hotel and crashed almost immediately. sunday morning we did the drive thru at mc donalds and headed over to the ballpark where we had tickets. since were got there so early, we headed over to an arts and crafts fair a few blocks away. as we wandered around taking in all the goodies we found some art we really liked and wouldn't you know it, both of the vendors were from the town we live in. in fact, both of them have galleries here. so needless to say, we didn't buy anything.

about a half hour before the game we headed back to the stadium. our seats weren't as good as the day before, but the stadium was much nicer. we still had a good time and this time we stayed almost to the end, but the giants were loosing again so badly, we left before traffic got bad and headed to the airport. we got there early, again, but this time we were able to get on to an earlier flight, and just by the skin of our teeth, too. we were nubers 4 and 5 on the standby list and they took 6 people total. we were split up on the flight, which was fine as we both slept for most of the flight anyway. and i'm so glad we got that earlier flight since our original flight had been delayed several times and by the time we left at 5:30 pm, our flight had been pushed back to 8pm!

we stopped at in-n-out on the way home for dinner and were in bed by 10 pm. of course, i could not get out of bed this morning, but still managed to make it here on time. but somehow i lost my keys, yet again. i had to take the spare key to my car and to the house. i just can't figure out where those damn keys are. my keys were in the ignition when i picked up hubby, but he ended up driving to the airport on friday and i know i didn't take my keys with me to arizona, so i have no idea where they could be. sigh.

vroom vroom!

2008-03-05T20:57:00.001-08:00

here's my pretty new car!

if you come over, i'll even let you drive! well....maybe i will. i'll at least take you for a ride! hehe.

the peanut's debut at 4 months.

2008-03-05T20:54:00.000-08:00

even though i am barely showing, i thought it was time to start taking pictures of the peanut's development. well, and a few of you have asked for photos, too.

the first picture ~ in green ~ was taken on monday. my hair has finally grown long enough to put back in a mini pony tale. whoot! and yes, that is a duck on the wall behind me.

this second photo ~ in yellow and in my new sevens ~ was taken today.

did you notice i'm wearing different glasses in each photo? i think they look quite different, but hubby says they look the same. the first pair are thin tortoise frames by kate spade and the second pair are thick burgundy square frames by versace. but i digress.

i figure i'll start taking photos each month to show off the peanut's growth. yesterday was my 4 month appointment and all was well. i heard the heart beat again and had blood work done. thankfully, the tech that took my blood got my tiny vein on the first try. on the last friday of the month i'll have my sonogram to find out the sex of the peanut!!

tiptoeing thru the tulips.

2008-03-03T20:17:00.000-08:00

spring has sprung here and it's so darn pretty. the landscape is turning lush and green from all the rain we've had and the wild mustard that grows in the vineyards is so vibrant. the weather is slowly starting to warm up, though i know we'll still get more rain.

the kitties are shedding their winter coats and their fur is so soft right now.

we have stopped turning on the heat as soon as we come home from work, though we still turn it on when we get up in the morning. the extra blankets have come off the bed, but they are still nearby in case it gets too chilly without them.

we're heading off to phoenix for the weekend to catch some baseball and maybe get the peanut a little giants outfit. and speaking of watching games, i will be nice and comfy in my stylish 7 maternity jeans, by far the most comfortable jeans i have ever owned!

whew. i'm beat like a red-headed step child.

2008-03-01T20:56:00.000-08:00

what a freaking, long, exhausting day. it started out simple enough, well, it sort of did. hubby woke up at the ass crack of dawn, shortly before 7 am. look, on a saturday when i can actually sleep in, that's the ass crack, okay? and even though he was trying to be quiet, he really wasn't. but, since i was so tired, i actually slept in until a little after 9 am.

i had planned on doing a few things in the morning, including meeting up with a girlfriend, but he talked me out of it all and we decided to head down to yet another volvo dealer to check out cars. on the way, we had to fill up for gas and grab something for me to eat as i hadn't been to the store and we were out of most things.

well, he was being an ass before we even left town so we started arguing at the bagel shop. which was, of course, really nice. by the time we got to the car, it was a full on fight. i even started crying in my pissed off state. no, not tears of sadness, but of frustration and anger. damn pregnancy hormones! he turned the car around and we headed home, calling off our trip. we eventually worked things out in the driveway and decided to head out once again.

well, wouldn't you know it, we decided we liked one the of the volvos and decided to buy it. BUT before we could, we drove back home ~ 40 miles away ~ and got our other car, my saturn from college, to trade in. now we knew we weren't going to get anything for it, but we really didn't want to have to try and sell it on our own. we ended up getting $1000 for it, which was totally fair as it was a 2000 with over 100,000 miles on it. we put down a pretty decent chunk of change and added the trade-in to the down payment so our monthly payment is really rather low.

but between our huge fight and the buying of the car, we were both exhausted by the time we left the dealership. and we still had nothing to eat at home so we decided to go out for dinner ~ mostly to celebrate finally getting rid of the saturn! (the saturn was a great car for me. i bought it in 1999 when i was in college and it was awesome. but it was really time to let it go.) we headed to our favorite mexican place and the wait was forever. okay, okay, it was 20 - 30 minutes, but we were starving, so it was much too long. so, we drove another 20 miles out of town to another place. luckily, there was no wait there. our meal was delicious, though both of us had to try hard not to fall asleep in our food. we finally made it home 10 hours after we originally left this morning and i am freaking exhausted.

i will post pictures of the car tomorrow. i like it better than the other one, even though it is pretty much the same ~ a 2004 volvo xc 70 crosscountry. this time the car is black with black leather interior, which i think makes it look really slick. oh, and i'll post some pictures of my mini baby belly, too.

i'm going to sleep now and better not be woken up at the ass crack of dawn again tomorrow!

oot oot.

2008-02-28T17:53:00.000-08:00

i won a bid on ebay today for a pair of 7 for all mankind jeans ~ pregnancy style. i'm stoked because i won them for $60 when they are normally more than double that. i just wish i could wear them to work. i figure if i have to wear maternity clothes, i can at least look cute while doing so. i am not going to be frumpy, dammit! though, i feel frumpy.

but, on another positive note, my hair is growing pretty quickly and i can put it in a mini ponytail now. i still don't like what it looks like, but it is getting better. now, don't get me wrong, i love short hair on other people. just not on me. sadly, it took me having it all cut off to realize that.

all day long i have thought it was friday. actually, i started thinking that last night ~ that today was friday. i've totally been ready to sleep in and relax tomorrow, but will sadly have to wait an extra day. so far i don't have any plans for the weekend and for that i'm glad. i do have to do finances, which sucks.

WHOOT WHOOT! i just got a delivery!!! what are my treats, you ask? well some books i ordered from barnes and noble, including the sky isn't visible from here by felicia sullivan, which was recommended by maggie, and hope in a jar moisturizer by philosophy. yipee! i love getting stuff, even if it was just me who ordered everything.

and i'm glad to have received the boxes because i need to send something off to one of my girlfriends....

the peanut made me go shopping!

2008-02-26T20:53:00.000-08:00

i bought my first maternity clothes today. i am no longer comfortable in my regular clothes and am not really happy walking around with my pants unbuttoned all the time, either. i do have a belly band thing, but it's really not that comfortable for me.

over the weekend i went to the gap and bought two pairs of regular pants, in a size bigger than normal. and while those are nice and comfy, i knew i need to get something that would fit a bit better and for a bit longer. i didn't buy much, just some jeans, khakis, shorts and a pretty flowy top, but they will last me longer than the regular stuff. i bought everything at the gap online, so it was nice and cheap.

my mil thinks i should shop at a pea in the pod, but clearly she's on crack because there is no way i can afford that stuff and i know she won't be dropping any cash one me. and i am definitely showing now, which is good seeing how i'm 4 months along. holy crap. how did that happen so fast?

i also started my registries. i don't have too much on them, but i figured it was never too early to start. plus several of my girlfriends have given me some pretty good tips on what to get, so i know i'm going in the right direction. the fun part about registries is that you can put anything you want on there and it doesn't make one bit of difference because you're not forcing anyone to buy you anything.

once we find out the sex of the kid, then i can start adding stuff based more on what we're having rather than a bunch of generic stuff like it is now. but, i don't want to be traditional, so i'm not doing all pink or all blue, either. not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just not for me.

well, i'm exhausted. i made sally's mom's meatloaf for dinner and had a long bath and now am ready for bed.

good night, lovers!

veeerrry iinnnteresting.

2008-02-26T20:50:00.000-08:00

Your EQ is 153

Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

Seriously though, your whole "Don't Worry, Be Happy" philosophy is really what defines emotional intelligence.

You're warm, open, and very optimistic. You know how to act appropriately, even if you don't feel like it.

You are a good communicator, and you have little difficulty with personal relationships - even when you're dealing with difficult people.

In general, you are successful, capable, together person. You get what you want out of life.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

cravings.

2008-02-25T11:24:00.000-08:00

omg. i cannot even explain how much i am craving this very burger right now. the only crappy part is that i am NOWHERE NEAR this delicious burger, as they are only in LA. but, i will be going down for a wedding in the middle of april, so you all know what i will be eating just as soon as i get off the plane in burbank. thank god there's a tommy's near the airport!!! and really, if you haven't had one of these delectable treats, you are missing out. mmmm.

heh.

2008-02-25T11:10:00.000-08:00

this was sent to me by one of my favorite boys. one time when we were both thowing back a few i even told him that i wanted to marry him someday. i still think he's quite the catch.

grumpy mcgrumperson.

2008-02-25T08:47:00.000-08:00

i'm a bit grumpy this morning. i had a horrible night of sleep last night as i just couldn't get into a confortable position. nothing seemed to work. and now my back is killing me. i know, waa.

and yesterday, i had planned on visiting on of my girlfriends that i hadn't seen in a long while until hubby got all fussy with me and i had to change my plans at the very last minute. see, he wanted me to drive out with him to see one of his friends and it annoyed the crap out of me. i don' t know his friend very well and this guy does our taxes so hubby was going to drop off our tax stuff then we were all going to have lunch. i asked hubby on friday if it was alright for me to visit my friend instead, and he said it was fine. so, i made plans with her. well, sunday rolled around and he got all fussy saying i would rather hang out with her than him and yadda yadda. i was in no mood to argue more than we already had, so i gave in. i hate cancelling on people. she even had something for me. grr. i'm going to try to see her after work tonight.

oh, and yesterday hubby said that i need to invite my mother in law to any shower that is thrown for me or else her feelings would be seriously hurt. okay, so now i ask all of you, are you kidding me? i don't want her at the showers! yes, i am an ass. she is a pretentious snot that looks down her nose at everyone else and is pretty nasty. i know her group of friends will throw me a shower and that will be painful enough. trust me when i say that. and no, i will not be asking any of my friends to attend that one, as it was a disaster when i asked them to my bridal shower almost 5 years ago. my mil has this nasty group of friends that don't want any outsiders participating in their activites.

so, i do not want her attending the shower my girlfriend is throwing for me in LA. is that wrong? do i just ned to suck it up and invite her? i won't be inviting my mother to anything BUT the one in LA. besides, i am not driving from nor cal to so cal with her in the car. and where would she stay? not with us, that's for sure! am i being a total sniveling snot about this? i have no idea what baby shower protocal is, but i really didn't think my mother in law had to be invited to all of them. i'm secretly hoping one of my friends up here will throw me one, but i haven't been asked. if that does happen, i'm not inviting her. she doesn't even know any of my friends!

a few totally random things about me.

2008-02-22T14:40:00.000-08:00

i hate talking on the phone. seriously. i do. when i was a teenager, that's all i wanted to do. now, i can't stand it. if you have email, use it. i will answer you lickety split. if you call me, it will take me forever to call you back.

i love to sleep. it's my favorite form of escape.

i hate brushing my teeth and washing my hands. i know, eww. gross. i do it, but i don't like it.

i would rather read than watch tv. unless the office or a marathon of law & order criminal intent or special victims is on. then i'll watch tv.

i'm not attracted to blonde, pretty men. i like my men dark and rugged.

the oldest man i have been with was 10 years my senior, the youngest was 8 years my junor. neither of them really did it for me.

i have made out with 3 girls. and not at the same time, or even on the same day.

i vote for the candidate i think will do the best job, regardless of their political affiliation.

most of the republicans i know are more liberal-minded than the democrats i know.

i live in a very pretentious town and i hate it. everyone trys to keep up with the joneses and it's very annoying. my in-laws are the worst and love to name drop, which makes me throw up a little in my mouth each time they do.

i really don't like being pregnant. i hate how i feel all the time and don't like the everchanging things that are happening to me. and waking up in the middle of the night to pee really sucks.

i still really hate my hair. i had such pretty long hair and don't know what i was thinking when i wanted a change. then i got that awful hair cut that had to be fixed. i don't even like looking in the mirror anymore. i just feel ugly.

i'm not a water drinker but i force myself to because i know it's good for the peanut. i bought a fancy new water bottle to entice me to drink more. it sort of helps.

one of my girlfriends has already offered to throw me a shower in LA and i'm so excited. i'm even more excited because she lives at the beach. i'm also stoked because i won't have to stay at my parent's house when the time comes because she lives on the other side of the valley from them, so i can definitely make the arguement that it's too much driving for just a weekend since i will already be driving down from nor cal.

i cannot live without music. i listen to it all the time.

hubby thinks i'm incredibly closed minded. i have no idea why. he says because i am a know-it-all, which i also disagree with.

when i told hubby i was excited that the peanut would be bilogically related to me, he said "there are lot's of people biologically related to you. you just don't know them." gee, thanks. i already knew that, dipshit, thus my excitement.

i have 6 tattoos and am always considering getting more.

i only have my ears pierced.

i once had my belly button pierced, but didn't like it so i took out the ring. 13 years later, i still have the hole.

i hate pc's with a vengance. mac's are so superior, it isn't even funny anymore.

still updating...

2008-02-22T11:17:00.000-08:00

when all else fails, try, try again.

i'm not sure why the other template didn't want to play nice, though it did for me at home on my trusty mac. i'm guessing pc's just don't like the fanciness. who knows. hopefully this will work for all of you now!

xoxo

my first crush.

2008-02-20T16:03:00.000-08:00

there was just something about him. he had that twinkle in his eye, that impish grin and a little bit of mischief mixed in with the yummy smell of boy. he was 3 years younger than me but i had a mad crush on him.

i met his sister at a church dance sometime around the start of junior high and we instantly became friends because we shared the same name. but as soon as i met him, i secretly hung out with her as much a i could so i could see him. i would go watch her play ayso soccer because her games were right after his and we'd have to get there early to cheer for his team. as we got older, i spent the night at their house and would always hope he would be around, which he often was.

i kept my cool and never let on that i wanted to be more than just his sister's friend.

as his sister and i got older, our sleep overs were a bit more wild and he hung out more with us, with his cute friends in tow. he still didn't suspect a thing, and i don't think she did, either.

by the time i was a senior in high school, i couldn't stand it anymore and asked him to my homecoming dance. this was a big move for me as i had been secretly harboring this crush for years. he was 4 years behind me in school, so that meant i would be a senior asking a freshman to my homecoming dance ~ i was 17, he was 14. but since he went to a different school, no one was the wiser. i was so nervous when i called to ask him. he said yes without a second thought and i could hardly contain myself.

my mom cooked a fancy steak dinner for a bunch of friends before the dance and we all felt so grown up sitting at the fancy dining room table. i think there were 4 couples total. nothing happened at that dance, not even a kiss. asking him to the dance was one thing, making the first move was a totally different story. even still, i had a great time, especially when we slow danced. even years later, his mother still kept that homecoming photo on her mantle.

for the next few years we kept in touch. either he had a girlfriend or i had a boyfriend so nothing happened, though there was always friendly flirting. at times i would tease him about having a crush on him and he not doing anything about it, to which he would always respond that he wished he hadn't been so naive.

i don't know when things changed but i think after a night of drinking at a dive bar a bunch of us frequented, we finally kissed. in my buzzed state, it was everything i had hoped for and more. as we cuddled and giggled in the back seat of my girlfriend's car, i wished we could explore each other further, but knew we couldn't. i think we were both with other people at the time and kissing was as far as we would go.

this happened on and off for years.

after i moved away for college, we still kept in touch. whenever i would go home, a bunch of us would get together and he and i would inevitably end up kissing and cuddling by the end of the night. but, the feelings were always fleeting and as soon as we were apart, we didn't think of each other. it was more like a friends with kissing and cuddling benefits. as the years went by more of the same happened. several years went buy and he and a buddy went on a road trip and visited me for a night so i grabbed a girlfriend and the four of us had a crazy night out with tons of drunken debauchery.

both he and his buddy from the road trip ~ who had also turned into a good friend of mine ~ did readings at my wedding. sadly, we lost touch shortly after that. i know it's for the best as i obviously couldn't keep up that kind of friendship while married. i'm sure i've seen him a few times since the wedding, and always have fond memories of him. i recently found out he got married and while i'm so happy for him, my heart sank a tiny bit. i wonder if his mother still has our homecoming photo up on the mantle.

help, please.

2008-02-19T13:49:00.000-08:00

okay, i need your help. see, i would really like to not have to come back to my dreaded job after i have the baby. i don't mind going back to work part time somewhere in the town where i live, but driving 45 minutes each way will not work for me. plus, i'm not that thrilled to be working here. anyhow, i digress.

i have not told anyone at work my intentions, but i need to find out what i have to do legally and insurance wise since my insurance is through my work. both hubby and his mother said i have to come back to work for a period of time so that i do not have to pay the insurance company back for all they will have paid while i was on leave. that sounds really odd to me as i pay the insurance by payroll deductions and will continue doing so when i am on leave. i looked through my employee handbook and there was nothing that stated that i had to come back after my leave in order not to be penalized.

does anyone know the answer? one of my girlfriends said all i would have to do is call or email saying i wasn't coming back and that i would be cleared of any responsibility.

the odd part to me is that both my mother-in-law and hubby are the hr people at their respective jobs! for hubby, he has been asked to take on that roll along side his normal roll as his firm is small, so i cut him some slack for not knowing as he has never been faced with that issue. my mil on the other hand, seems to be pretty clueless when it comes to hr stuff, which is frightening considering that's all she does.

anyhow, your comments would be MUCH appreciated...thanks!

the countdown in on.

2008-02-19T08:53:00.000-08:00

after much deliberation and some argument, i laid my foot down and booked us a mini vacation to spring training. i told hubby i would pay for all of it ~ because i'm on crack, evidently~ but it was the only way i could get him to agree to go. we went last year and had a blast. knowing that we would not be going anywhere now that i'm pregnant ~ not because we can't travel, but because he doesn't want to spend a dime ~ i needed to do something because i am already going stir crazy. and, since spring training has been one of his "10 things i want to do before i die" i knew it was the trip to take.

we went last year and had such a great time that we decided to make it an annual trip. well, since he's such a meiser, he had previously said "no" to going this year. anyhow, i convinced him and i couldn't be happier. i told him since the baby is due just days after our 5 year anniversary, we obviously won't be doing anything for the anniversary, so we can could this trip as our anniversary trip. as he considered this gift, i booked the trip faster than you can say "sucker, i lied. you still have to do something for our anniversary".

so, in a few weeks, we will fly into pheonix on a friday night, catch a game on saturday and one on sunday, then fly back on sunday night. while there, we will also make the requisite trip to cabelas. i'm stoked to be going, not only for the nice, warm weather, but for the love of the game. there's just something about the smell of freshly mowed grass, the sun shining brightly overhead and hearing the crack of the bat.

the weekend.

2008-02-16T10:32:00.000-08:00

i have just begun a blissful 3 day weekend and the only plans i have is to visit a girlfriend tomorrow afternoon. but, i have a list of things i would like to accomplish:

* go to target for cleaning supplies and a new home phone ~ must.stay.within.budget. oh, who am i kiddidng!?
* go to the grocery store as pretty much the only food we have in the house is cat food.
* pay the dreaded bills and work on home finances.
* organize the office (which will soon turn into the nursery)
* start some kind of exercise regimen because i have been lazy for far too long.
* return phone calls to friends that i have been to busy/stressed out/tired during the week to make.
* bake something tasty.
* spend time outside because it's a pretty spring-like day.

i swear i have a heart.

2008-02-14T09:47:00.000-08:00

i have never been a fan of valentine's day. it always seemed strange to me that we need hallmark to tell us to love our loved one on a certain day. shouldn't we love them the same, regardless of what day it is? i guess for me, i would much rather have my loved one do something nice for me totally at random, totally because he wanted to, and not because it was 'the thing to do'.

not only that, but you totally get taken to the cleaners if you want to do anything today. florists raise their prices, as do restaurants, especially high end restaurants who typically have a prix fixe menu. i swear i'm not a heartless person, but i just don't see the point. i guess i have always seen the anniversary as the time to do something extra special and nice.

when hubby and i were dating, he would bring me flowers every week and always had something fun planned for the weekend. i LOVED that. i did nice things for him, too, and since they were unexpected, it meant so much more to us. now things are different because we're married, but he still will do nice things for me. a random dinner out in the middle of the week, picking wildflowers for me from a run he goes on, buying me a treat when he goes to the grocery store. those are the things i really like. heck, right now, i LOVE it when he does the laundry and the dishes without complaining!!

i think the only time i have ever celebrated Valentine's day is when i was in elementary school.

have you seen my stapler?

2008-02-12T19:26:00.000-08:00

* Peter Gibbons: You see Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Bob Porter: Don't... don't care?
Peter Gibbons: It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime, so where's the motivation? And here's another thing, I have eight different bosses right now.
Bob Porter: Eight?
Peter Gibbons: Eight, Bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.

so tomorrow i have two meetings with all of my bosses. did i mention i now have 4 bosses? and back to back, no less. the first meeting is to discuss who knows what then the second meeting is i'm sure more of the same. okay, so that's not entirely true. my newest boss is leaving for two weeks tomorrow, so the first meeting will be about things that need to get done while he is gone. the second meeting, with an additional boss, will be presumably about my role in all of this.

see, today i talked to the new boss and tried to share some of my frustrations, which, of course, fell on deaf ears, and i mentioned that i didn't know he was going to be hired until literally the day he started. (totally true. i got an email by mistake that said i was to be working for this new guy, like 2 days before he was going to start). anyhow, he got a bit fussy saying when he started his interview process 14 months ago, he was told he would have an executive assistant in place who knew exactly everything that was going on. he was not pleased when i told him that i was hired 5 months ago to be my other bosses assistant and i only learned that i would be his assistant when he started 2 weeks ago. i swear to god he thought i was making that up.

it's been a nightmare ever since he started and i'm really not looking forward to tomorrow. sure, it will be good to get everything out in the open and have my roll defined and all, but still. IT SUCKS HAVING 4 BOSSES!!!

*lines from the greatest movie ever.

oh, and my blog looks just swell here on my mac, so maybe it's just older pc's that don't want to play nice. who knows.

i am SO over this.

2008-02-12T08:22:00.000-08:00

i am so fucking pissed right now. i just had a meeting with my asshat new boss and he now wants me to compile a list of everything he has had his fucking fingers in for the past two weeks since he started. are you kidding me? he said since he has handed everything over to me, i should know what he has been doing. god damnit, i want to quit.

it's not that i'm lazy, it's that i just don't care.

2008-02-11T13:14:00.000-08:00

hmmm...so i don't like how blog looks here from my office. it's all wonky and skinny. yesterday when i changed everything around it was pretty, like this (the one on the right). now everything is all smooshed together. does it look like that on your screen, too? sigh. maybe it's just the slow windows 2003 version i'm on here at work...

i did not sleep well at all last night so now i'm beat. and i just had lunch, so that makes me all the more ready for a nap.

recently my work hired another level of management for my department. so now i have 4 boses. yep, 4. it is utterly ridiculous. and now, this new boss dumps EVERYTHING he can on me, which is making me overwhelmed beyond belief. i was so ready to walk off the job last week, it's gotten that bad. i.hate.where.i.work.

home is okay, for now. i finally managed to talk hubby into going to spring training again this year. he is against spending any money, but i am so fed up with everything that i told him we had to get away. besides, the baby will be due right at our 5 year anniversary, so we obviously won't be doing anything for that. i think that helped convince him. i booked the trip last night on my secret credit card because, god forbid, he have to pay for the trip. all he ever does is talk about how he brings home the paycheck. like all i do is sit around on my ass all day, not making any money at my job. almost my whole paycheck goes into savings each time! he's such a freak about money. i mean, we got into an argument about me ordering breakfast while we were in tahoe because taxes are due soon. are you kidding me? so obviously i ordered breakfast, but he takes this WAY too far. yes, it's good to save. but life is not all about money. he's already set up a college fund for the baby. i'm only 13 weeks pregnant, for god's sake!!

only 3 more hours until i can go home and nap. and i'm not doing the dishes or the laundry first, either! humph.

so many changes...

2008-02-09T11:59:00.001-08:00

with so many changes happening around me and to me, i thought it was time to change my blog once again. :) while the other template was nice, i was tired of it and wanted something fresh and new. it is a beautiful springlike day outside so i'm out!!!

have a great weekend!!

are you kidding me?!

2008-02-06T20:37:00.000-08:00

so i opted not to go to the meeting tonight because i don't want to be social and honestly don't think i will stay awake the whole time. that being said, i still need to find a speaker for the meeting on friday night. so i called a gal that i know. well she just spoke at a meeting last night and thought that friday might be too soon. okay, i can understand that. the community is small here so many of the same people go to the same meetings. but, she said she would speak at my meeting in two weeks, so that was kind of her. and i told her i would speak at the meeting she secretaries tomorrow night. she then gave me the name of another gal we both know and said she would be a good one to ask to speak. well, i just called this other gal and she said no to speaking on friday because she spoke at that meeting A YEAR AGO. wtf is that?! i totally get the other gal who spoke yesterday, but are you fucking kidding me that you don't want to speak because you spoke a year ago? you know, this gal is one of the very first people who approached me at my very first meeting and said i could call her and so on. and every time i tried, she had some lame excuse about why she couldn't talk to me, so i dropped her. she was a loser from the start and clearly hasn't changed in the 2 1/2 years i've known her. the lamest part is that since i started the secretary position (the first week of january) she tells me every week that if i ever need help finding someone to speak, she knows a lot of people. i'm over it. i called the first gal back and she was very helpful in suggesting people who i could call for friday. but i think i'll ask my father in law. i'm tired and i'm ready to go to bed.

updates.

2008-02-06T15:17:00.000-08:00

* my nausea is pretty much gone. i am a little over 12 weeks, so thank god. yesterday i had my second doctor's appointment where i got to hear peanut's heart beat for the first time. it was pretty wild. it still hasn't really hit me that i'm pregnant, though.

* the wedding in tahoe was an adventure, to be sure. we left early last friday and got to our destination in 3 hours. our hotel was real nice and after lunch we took a nice long nap as snow fell outside. we met up with friends for a cocktail and desert reception later that evening. saturday we hung out in the hotel as it was nasty outside. we were picked up at 2:30p by shuttle and taken to the ceremony location. it was snowing like crazy and we were so glad not to be driving. and wearing heels in the snow is something that i hope never to have to do again! from the ceremony we were whisked away to the reception at a golf course. (sidenote...who plans a wedding during february in tahoe!?) the reception was nice and it was great to see all of our friends. the weather overnight was awful and we were afraid we were going to be snowed in. we were for a while, but did manage to leave town around noon on sunday. 80 miles of the highway out of town were closed due to the high levels of snow that had fallen the night before and it ended up taking us 5 hours to get home. not bad, considering it was a sunday in the middle of ski season. but, we figure it was due to everyone staying in to watch the superbowl. thank god for that!

* my parents arrived sometime over the weekend. we met up with them for dinner on monday night at the place i work. my dad made his typical stupid comments throughout dinner to our waiter. and he grossly undertipped.

* i have decided not to attend the shower my my mother is throwing for our whisky tango friend. i know it will be too much for me to go down there and besides, i'll be going to the wedding a month later.

* i finally had to lay the smack down with hubby yesterday morning. he can be really condecending and rude and i finally had enough. he can be quite relentless in his asshat ways and i told him i wouldn't talk to him anymore until he was nice to me. he loves to tell me what a bad driver i am because i a) got a speeding ticket 5 years ago, b) got into 2 minor fender benders when i was still drinking over 2 years ago and c) got into that accident in november. he also likes to tell me i'm fat. and not because i'm pregnant, either. he just thinks i'm fat. um..seriously? i am five feet tall and weigh 105 lbs and have for a while now. he tells me i'm the laziness person he knows. gee, sorry i like to take naps and not run around like crazy at all times. it's called relaxing. it's what i do after a busy work day/week. he tells me i'm using pregnancy as an excuse to not do housework. are you kidding me? we have a housekeeper who comes every friday and we have minimal upkeep during the week. what he is really complaing about is that my head has been in the toilet or i have been curled up in the fetal position instead of doing the dishes or the laundry. i could go on, but i won't. he did apologize for being an asshat, but i'm still not convinced he will act any nicer any time soon.

* i have to get a speaker for the friday night aa meeting i secretary and i really don't want to have to talk to anyone. this means i will probably have to go to the meeting tonight, which is late and i won't get home until 9:30, which has been past my bedtime these days. aa to me has become way more social than anything else. hubby is an aa natzi and i just can't relate. to me, it's a good place to socialize with others who have a drinking problem. i just don't buy into everything else. it's not my way of life.

* i have a new boss who thinks that i'm sensitive to the ways a certain nasty woman at work treats me and everyone around her because i'm pregnant. obviously he has had a bit too much of the work kool-aid. she is a nasty back stabbing bitch and it's not because i'm pregnant that i think that. i have always thought that.

* i really, really, really want to go back on my anti-anxiety meds. but, i have weighted the pros and cons and will wait until after i give birth to do so. when i told my father that i wanted to back on them because i am really irritable and get fussy way fast now, he said "well, you've always been that way." um, no shit. that's why those meds helped me. i wasn't like that when i was on them. meds can help you for legitimate reasons. i'm not taking them to be cool or because i haven't already exhaused the other options.

stuff.

2008-01-31T18:32:00.000-08:00

i have left the dreaded job for a whirlwind weekend. we are getting up early tomorrow and heading to tahoe for a friend's wedding. it will be quite the affair, for sure. the festivities actually started today, but since we're not skiers, we aren't going up until tomorrow. today was a big ski party as is most of the day tomorrow. part of incline is even reserved just for people coming to the event. tomorrow night will be a cocktail and dessert reception, which we will attend. saturday is the wedding and sunday is a big brunch. hubby and i went to an elaborate wedding several years ago in seattle and that was the wedding of all weddings, and sadly, the one my mil always compares our wedding to. anywho, i believe this wedding will be on the same level of that wedding. and i have NO idea what to wear. guess i better figure that out fast, as i don't have that many hours left until we leave.

i am looking forward to going, though, as the girl getting married is one of hubby's friends from grad school and the whole gang will be there. we haven't seen most of the group since hubby's birthday this summer, so it will be a lot of fun. we're staying at a fancy hotel and i've upgraded us to a fancier room as i know we won't be going anywhere fun for a long time. hubby is already stressing out about how much we will have to pay in taxes this year and has already had the 'we have to cut our spending' lecture with me. sigh.

the only part of the weekend i'm not looking forward to is: my parents will be in town. yep. my dad called me this afternoon to say he and my mother are driving up today and will be in town all weekend, oh and they want to stay at my work. really? could you give me a little more notice? and do you not remember the conversations we've had that i WILL BE OUT OF TOWN? yeah, they were hoping i would change my plans. um, no. no, i will not. i was able to book them at my work on sunday and monday night so they will be staying in SF tonight, tomorrow and saturday. they want to know when we'll be back on sunday and i told them 'late'. i really have no idea, but i'm certainly not going to rush back just to see them. my parents are notorious for doing this and it really pisses me off. the total lack for what anyone else is doing completely escapes them.

i told my father today that i would not be going to the dreaded shower and he said i had already told my mother that i would help, so i had to come. wtf? i did no such thing. when i offered to help, she told me no, that she would handle it. somehow she turned that around that i was going to come help. fuck no am i going down there. i don't care WHAT they think of me. i'm not putting myself in that position.

oh, and it gets better. today my father decided it was a good idea to let some totally random guy that he knows to MOVE IN WITH THEM because he is down on his luck. um...what? and he didn't even ASK my mother. wtf is that?! oh, and the coup de grace to all this is that the guy is moving in today. the day my parents are leaving town for 5 days. nice.

on a good note, i think i am over my nausea. i did have a gnarly migraine for 2 days, but at least the nausea is gone. and one of the gals at work confirmed that i am, in fact, showing a tiny bit. and another gal said the same thing. so that makes me happy.

now if only my pizza that i ordered would arrive....

what would you do?

2008-01-29T15:27:00.000-08:00

my mother is throwing a shower for her god-daughter. wait. let me back up a bit to give you some history: my parents have been friends with john and carol since my dad went to college with john. john and carol are really nice people and they have 3 kids who my parents are godparents to. now, while john and carol are super nice, they are also um....really really whisky tango. we could never go into their house because it was always such a disaster. see, they are big time horders. i'm not even kidding. it's awful. needless to say, they always came to our house instead of us going to theirs.

a few years ago, carol died from cancer. she was gone within 6 months of being diagnosed and it was just devastating. john has never recovered, nor have his children.

only one of the kids went to college and the other two work at either blockbuster or random gas stations. one of the girls (2 girls, 1 boy) got preggers by some random guy who, of course, is no longer in her life. the other girl is the one who my mother is throwing the shower for. now, this girl went to college and is a teacher. she has broken the mold of her family. she's put together and has goals. she has been dating this guy for a few years and they are getting married in april.

sounds good, so far, right? well, growing up whisky tango, she never learned about saving money or how much things really cost. she is also having a HUGE mexican wedding because the guy she is getting married to is mexican. i've been to mexican weddings and they are an enormous event and pretty different than an American wedding. anyhow, i called my mother today to ask how the shower planning is going. turns out this girl has invited 80 people to the friggen shower at my parents house! are you fucking kidding me?! and she expects my parents to foot the bill! holy shit! and my mother wants the party outside because she doesn't want all those people WHO SHE HAS NEVER MET BEFORE inside her house. and frankly, i don't blame her at all. but um...in a month it will be only the begining of march and well, while i know los angeles is nice most of the year, it's still a little chilly to be outside.

on one hand, this is all none of my business. on the other, i am very protective of my parents and their house. they are savers who buy nice things because they have saved long and hard for them. i know this sounds awful, but i do worry about things walking away or being broken by people who don't care and will never be back. and having 80 strangers in your home at one time is a scary thing. and frankly, their house isn't nearly big enough for that! and my mother thinks it's silly to have to rent tables and chairs so she won't do that. this party is going to be a fucking disaster. i asked if she wanted any help, and she said no. my mother rarely entertains for more than half a dozen people and even so, it's usually a pretty simple event. i can only imagine how this is going to turn out. and i know it will be my fault when this goes badly. sure, i can stay away, but i am invited and if i do go, i will be expected to help and that will totally stress me out because, hello, did i mention 80 PEOPLE?! and if i stay away, my parents will give me the guilt trip for not helping. it's a no win situation for me. and no, i'm not being dramatic. it's just how my parents operate. i get blamed for things even when i'm not directly involved.

so what would you do if you were in this situation?

cravings.

2008-01-29T14:52:00.000-08:00

thanks to a girl, a boy & me, i really really really want pinkberry. i mean, any kind of frozen yogurt goodness would be most delightful, but sadly, i live in an area that obviously doesn't believe in frozen yogurt as there are no shops anywhere. and i've totally called around.

sigh. maybe i'll stop by baskin robbins on the way home.

i have totally been craving dairy since i got pregnant. milk, strawberry milkshakes, yogurt, ice cream. but mostly milk and ice cream. and now frozen yogurt.

i haven't really craved much else, well, except for sleep....

grr.

2008-01-28T02:41:00.000-08:00

ah look. it's the middle of the night and i'm wide awake again. lovely. and wouldn't you know it, i'm still angry. i really hate being angry, but it's such a common mood for me these days. i realize now that this is one of the major reasons i went on anti-anxiety meds several years ago. i am now back to how i used to feel before i started taking them. my tolerance for people is so much lower now and everything seems to piss me off not matter what i do. sure i know that i have pregnancy hormones surging through me, but that's not all that's going on. the feelings that i have been experiencing these past few days are just like the old days. i can't wait until i can go back on my meds because it sucks being so angry all the time. and no, my anger is not fear based, thankyouverymuch.

here are a few things that have pissed me off most recently:

today while at a girlfriend's house for a body shop at home party, i commented how i needed to find a bank as i didn't have any cash to cross the toll bridge to get back home. one of the girls who was there (who i normally really don't like) asked me why i don't have fastrak. i told her since i rarely ever cross toll bridges, it wouldn't be worth it for me. she then says "don't you ever come to the bay area?" i said "i live in the bay area. i live in the north bay." she actually had the audacity to argue with me in front of everyone that i DON'T live in the bay area. oh, i'm sorry. you're right i have no fucking idea where i have been living for the past 3 years. silly me.

people who assume that just because i am pregnant we are suddenly going to run out and buy a house. um...we haven't bought a house because they are so fucking expensive where we live. if you need a reference, look at the north bay and bay area links above. the median price for a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house with a small yard is roughly $650k. and that's for a house that's several years old and could probably stand some work. anything less than that would require a major overhaul. so really? we can't afford to buy anything in the near future and really? we LIKE where we live. sure, the house is small, but for now, it's just fine. we don't mind painting and light work, but we are not the type to remodel things ourselves. many of our friends have, and that's great for them. but i am so sick and tired of people asking when we are buying a house. isn't it enough that we're finally pregnant??

hubby's uncle got divorced last year and has for some reason decided to keep a bunch of his stuff in our garage as storage. hubby's mother keeps bringing stuff over as well. i haven't said anything because the garage is hubby's domain and i could frankly care less. but now, we will be converting the office into a nursery so the desk and couch that WE own have got to go. well, since our garage is full of hubby's uncle's crap, we have no where to store OUR stuff. his mother's solution? for us to get a storage unit. are you fucking kidding me? we are storing stuff for her brother, who lives two hours away. why the hell would we put our stuff in storage? why can't he put HIS stuff in storage? then she had the audacity to suggest that we get a storage unit with her so we could store his stuff and our stuff and have us foot the bill. i hit the roof when hubby told me this.

the only meeting i am going to for aa these days is the friday night meeting that i secretary. frankly, i feel like crap most of the time and have no desire to do anything but sleep ~ well, except for now, obviously. anyhow, my sponsor has been berating me about not calling her regularly and for not going to more meetings. are you kidding me? aa meetings are nothing but social gatherings to me. i never get anything out of them. i don't have a bond with anyone there. i don't live and breath the program. sure, it has helped me, but i still maintain that i am doing this ON MY OWN LIKE I DO EVERYTHING ELSE IN MY LIFE. i have no desire to pick up a drink, especially now, and really? i'm not going to call anyone in the program if i do want to. i will call one of my girlfriends who knows me and loves me for me and understand me and still likes me. there is no one in aa like that for me. no one at all.

when people tell me i'm going to be a good mommy. how the fuck would they know? i have never liked children, have rarely been around them and hardly have any maternal instincts. i am not close to any adult women and don't know the first thing about children. i don't even like holding children. even now. yes, i realize things will change and i'm sure it will all be fine, but really? what makes you think i will be a good parent? really. i want to know.

hubby forcing me to go to church. suddenly he thinks we need to go to church every weekend because i am pregnant. i never liked going to church and i stopped going a long time ago and certainly resent being forced into going now. i tried to compromise, saying we could go on sunday mornings then go to breakfast afterwards, but he vetoed that saying it was better to go saturday evening to get it out of the way. everything always has to be on his terms. i didn't go this weekend because i was exhausted and he got all pissy with me.

that being pregnant is the only thing my parents have ever been proud of me for. no, i'm not feeling sorry for myself, i'm stating the facts. they have never uttered the word 'proud' to me. the never once attended a cheerleading, swimming or gymnastics event of mine. they didn't understand why i wanted to go to college and didn't even want to come see me graduate. they couldn't understand why hubby's parents threw me a graduation party all those years ago and will still bring that up on occasion. with each job i have gotten, they have never once said a kind word. they have always asked when i would stay home and raise a family. when i got married my father said it was about time because i was already getting a bit too old. i was 27.

how people assume that because i'm pregnant, i'm getting taken care of by those around me. um...no. i'm doing everything myself. sure, hubby has picked up some of the slack at home and has done the laundry and the dishes recently, but you would think the world was ending by his constant complaining. and i still have to make him dinner all the time. and forget about him going to the grocery store with me! he avoids that place like the plague. and no, i honestly don't see it getting any better the further along i get. that whole saying about how you can't change anyone? yeah. hubby will never change. he will always be loud, inconsiderate, condescending and selfish. now i'm definitely not saying i'm an angel, but at least i have compassion for others. he may have some for other's, but definitely not for me.

i am so tired of hubby saying what a bad driver i am and how he has to buy me yet another car. oh, sorry. i totally meant to get my car totaled. that was all planned. anytime i mention needing something, he says "well, i bought you a car and you destroyed it, so you don't deserve anything else." nice. did i mention that he STILL talks about my engagement ring as the nice gift he bought me that i need to be grateful for? he bought me that almost 7 years ago. get the fuck over it.

at least my cats like me and don't say stupid things to piss me off.

in the middle of the night*

2008-01-23T03:41:00.000-08:00

so i'm up and it's the middle of the night. i'm pretty much wide awake at this point with no sleep coming my way anytime soon. i first woke up because i had to pee and then just wasn't able to fall back asleep, over 2 hours ago. i finally gave up all hope for sleep and made a nest on the couch in the living room. i turned on the heat and closed the bedroom door, lest hubby complain that the heat is on.

oh yes, he is quite a tyrant about the heat. he would prefer us to freeze rather than pay the heating bill, which really isn't all that much. seriously. i'm not kidding. this has been an ongoing battle for me. being that we live in a really old house, we only have a propane wall unit as a heater. at some point this summer, the pilot light went out and hubby refused to have it lit again once winter came. um, seriously? our house gets to a lovely 40 degrees in the winter. not okay. and since the heater is really old, the pilot light has to be lit by a professional since it's pretty tricky. a few weeks ago a girlfriend was over and was able to light it and hubby hit the roof, saying i had undermined him by lighting it. whatever. i refuse to freeze my ass off because he is a miser. anyhow, the pilot light "mysteriously" went out over the weekend when it was a warm 29 degrees outside and i hit the roof. i immediately called the propane company to come and light it, saying I would pay the friggen bill with my spending money so the house account would have to pay for it because this was getting ridiculous. so anyway. the heat is on and i have one the battle. FOR NOW.

so here i sit, on the couch all bundled up with sawyer on my lap. i was going to write a post about how i'm having a huge pity party for myself and wouldn't you like to come, when i read a few posts by the darling maggie and well, she put things into perspective, yet again. sigh. fine. pity party over. for now, at least.

but i must say, that yesterday was one of my crummiest feeling days yet. i am seriously over being sick every friggen day. i know millions of women have been through this, but i am SO OVER IT. i am tired of feeling like a parrot eating crackers and toast all the time. and my prenatal vitamins seriously make me want to puke and they actually have a few times. i have to take them and lie down while willing my stomach to accept the dreaded beast. every. freaking. night.

i left work a half hour early yesterday because i was feeling so awful and i'm thinking that since i've been up most of the night that i will just call in sick today. i will be a wreck otherwise. well, more than normal, i suppose. and for someone who never calls in sick or is late, this whole pregnancy thing has put things into a whole different ballgame.

*billy joel river of dreams, which i wish was happening right now rather than being awake...

heath ledger is dead!!

2008-01-22T14:00:00.000-08:00

now i'm sad.

read about it here and here.

it's so angry...

2008-01-22T11:24:00.000-08:00

and by it, i mean me. i am in a horrible mood today and the people i work with are only making it worse. i work with the biggest bunch of idiots and i have figured out why. see, i work in the service industry right now and you don't have to be smart to be here. in fact, they don't even care if you have finished high school or can speak english to work in service, at least around here.

yes, i know. everyone has got to start somewhere. but seriously? i'm so over it.

just this weekend our IT guy had to move the 'company-all' email to the bottom of the email directory because so many people accidently send 'comapny-all' emails because they are not paying attention when they are cc'ing on email. really? is it that hard to look at who you are sending an email to before you hit send? and these are people in management who are making this error.

another thing that drive me batty is that people who work here think they are at the same level socially and financially as the people who stay here. um..are you fucking kidding me? we are a 5 star resort. our rooms start at $800 a night and go to well over $2,000. our restaurant has the same reputation as the french laundry and you're trying to tell me that because you work here, you think you are just as affluent as those who stay here? i bet the highest income earner here is only in the mid 70K range. (yes, this is a good salary..but not if you're upper level management!) and that might be two or three people, max. pretty much everyone here is a blue collar worker. now, i'm not saying that's a bad thing. i'm just stating a fact.

just the other day at a meeting, someone in charge commented how we might be going into a recession. um...really? this has been on the news for MONTHS and you are just now paying attention? also, the type of clientele we have here would not be impacted by a recession. the people who stay here do so because it is mere pocket change to them. many are celebrites, socialites and political figures who could give a rat's ass about how much they are spending.

another thing that's weird about the people here is they think i drive a totally fancy car-- and i am only driving a 2003 chevy trail blazer. sure, it's got a few bells and whistles, but it's a freaking chevy. you should have seen their eyes bug out when i had my volvo. you would have though i drove up in a bently. the other day i was mentioning to my boss that hubby and i had been looking at volvos again and had found one almost exactly like the one we had for only 24K and he looking at me like i had two heads for wanting to spend that much. he then went on to tell me how i could buy a new american car for way less. um, no thanks. it's called safety. i want to feel safe and walk away from an accident like i just did. if i had been in my american made saturn, i would not have been so lucky.

maybe it's just me, but working in corporate environments and other industries has left me with a higher set of standards than the people here could even manage to attain. everyone here thinks it's fine to work at an hourly wage, punch the time clock and get overtime for some extra hours. holidays are at a premium, but hey, we do get time and a half if we work on them. and that's fine for some people, but just not me.

and while i have a decent position and get decent pay, i am still hourly and it drives me nuts. i don't know the last job i had that was hourly. maybe working retail when i was in college. i'm all for people working in the service industry, but it's just not for me. especially at a place where people have such an attitude and they are stupid on top of it. i used to agree with the "those who can't do, teach" but now, i believe the correct saying is "those who can't do, work in the service industry". teachers at least have an education and are giving others an education. and the are doing. people here are not doing and would never, ever make it in the real world.

but, i am going to continue sucking it up an stay until i have the peanut. i will probably not come back after that. i can only take this for so much longer. i need to be around people who can at least write in complete gramatically correct sentences or god forbid use spell check before a document goes out.

i'm tired.

2008-01-20T10:52:00.000-08:00

i am so tired of feeling like crap. i am so tired of this horrible haircut. i am so tired of people not leaving me alone.

yes, i know i will feel better eventually. yes, i know my hair will eventually grow. yes, i will call you back, eventually. but right now? it's time for me, not you.

i've had a tough past few months and i just want to be left alone. why is that so hard for some people to understand? just because i haven't called or written doesn't mean i don't like you anymore, it just means i have stuff going on. sometimes i just don't want to talk to anyone. i really don't feel like being social right now.

don't worry, i'll be back to my normal, social self, eventually. just, please. stop taking it so damn personally if i haven't been in touch.

tagged!

2008-01-18T14:38:00.000-08:00

the delightful maybelline tagged me for this meme and while it took a bit of searching through my previous posts to find something good, it was fun to check out the stuff i had forgotten about.

here are the rules: post 5 links to 5 of your previously written posts. the posts have to relate to the 5 key words given here (family, friend, yourself, your love, anything you like). tag 5 other friends to do this meme. try to tag at least 2 new acquaintances (if not, your current blog buddies will do) so that you get to know them each a little bit better.

family: trials and tribulations with my mother and my mil
friend: i'm so glad for all my friends
yourself: sometimes i'm a little fussy
your love: all the crazy boys i dated before hubby
anything you like: our beloved finn, who we miss dearly

okay ... now it's time to pass it along. i tag sally, terry, gypsy, maggie and gina.

sigh. the peanut strikes again.

2008-01-17T21:26:00.000-08:00

so the last two days i have been feeling pretty good, with almost no nausea. today i had a little and figured it was hunger. on my way home from work i was hungry again and a colleague said she was going to kfc and that sounded so tasty so i thought i would stop as well. i gobbled my meal on the drive home. i was doing fine for a while, then i got an awful stomach ache and curled up on the couch in the fetal position. my heart started racing and i felt just terrible. low and behold, i had to run to the bathroom. this was so much worse than the other day. i guess the peanut doesn't like kfc because it all came up. 4 times. i feel better, but not much. i'm going to bed with hopes of feeling better.

thursday thirteen.

2008-01-17T09:48:00.000-08:00

thirteen things that make me feel old

1. i bought some girlie magazines this week, cosmo and glamour, and i no longer can relate to the articles, fashon or verbage. and all the talk about gen y! holy cow. i didn't realize that gen x was no longer relavant in those magazines...

2. when i talk about the great music from the 80's, most of my colleagues have no idea what i'm talking about since they were BORN in the 80's.

3. same goes with movies i talk about. many of my colleagues have never seen (or heard of) such classics as the karate kid, the goonies or all the brat pack movies.

4. when shopping with a girlfriend for her daughter's birthday, i realized how awful children's games are. candyland and shoots and ladders look nothing like they did when i was growing up. now everything i s all politically correct and way too plastic.

5. i find children's programing to be awful. what happened to the smurfs, captin kangaroo, school house rock and 3-2-1 contact? at least reading rainbow is still on...

6. i would much rather spend a little extra on clothes that will last longer and wear better than buy what is super trendy or super cheap.

7. going out for coffee and having a great conversation with a friend is more appealing to me than going to a club.

8. i would rather buy a safe care than a flashy car.

9. i actually want to (and make enough to) have money in savings rather than spend everything as soon as i get it.

10. my vacations are planned out and saved for so i can get the most for my money and go somewhere different each time.

11. i realized the other day that i had graduated high school 15 years ago this june and that i really can't relate to kid's who are in high school now.

12. i would rather meet a girlfriend for brunch than go out and party all night long.

13. seeing a kid with a cell phone. i didn't have a cell phone until midway through college. now kids as little as 5 years old have actual cell phones! it's crazy! sure, parents say it's so they know where their kid is at all times. but seriously? shouldn't you know where your kid is? especially when they're that young? even through high school you should be able to know where your kid is.

sigh.

2008-01-15T20:50:00.000-08:00

hubby just left town on a business trip. he'll be gone until late friday night. i'm already sad that he's gone. though the house will be quiet and i can watch what i want on tv, i still like having him around. i did make him dinner even though i was feeling pretty crappy. and now i REALLY don't want to do the dishes. but, at least he's not here to nag me on them. heh. but i want to feel better, dammit! sigh.

i have been weaning off my antianxiety meds and i think i'm feeling the effects. but i'm not sure since i know moodiness is part of being pregnant. i'm feeling more anxious at night, especially when i'm sleeping. not only do i wake up to pee in the middle of the night now, but i also wake up feeling anxious. it hasn't been bad, but a bit annoying. i'm trying to keep mellow and relax, but i hate being anxious. and i'm not anxious over anything in particular, either. it's just this general feeling of uneasiness that creeps up on me and makes me panic.

i can now put my hair into a tiny, mini pony tale of about an inch or two. it gives me a tiny bit of satisfaction to be able to do that because as much as other people like my hair, i don't like it one bit. it make me sad to see photos of myself with long hair. this weekend i'm going to get highlights so i'm hoping that'll help. i know that some women go through an 'ugly phase' and i am definitely there right now.

the peanut made me do it.

2008-01-15T08:28:00.000-08:00

well, i made it to 9 1/2 weeks without getting sick. just as i was about to leave the house this morning, that unmistakable unplesant feeling came over me and i had to rush to the toilet. sigh. hubby was in the shower at the time and opened the door as i was finishing up to say "well, i guess this means the peanut is getting bigger!" at least he can find humor in all of this.

i'm just glad there is a sink in my office here at work. i have a feeling i'll be feeling quite green for most of the day today.

i'm sorry, white bear...

2008-01-11T14:56:00.000-08:00

i have to apologize to my dear friend, the white bear. you see, i deleted his comment this morning totally unknowingly. well, no, i knowingly deleted it, i just didn't know it was my darling friend who wrote the comment. you see, he wrote about all the great people who have birthdays on august 18. not knowing why that had appeared on my blog, i thought it was spam. i'm a total tweeker because i couldn't figure out why someone was commenting about that date. um, hello. because i said it was my due date. he was being sweet and telling me what great people were also born on that day. sigh. i'm such a tweeker and so hearfully sorry i offened him by deleting the post.

it's meme time...

2008-01-11T10:29:00.000-08:00

1. Do you wear a name tag at work? i am supposed to, but i never do.
2. What kind of car do you drive? hubby's 2003 chevy trail blazer
3. What do you order when you go to Taco Bell? mexican pizza and a bean and cheese burrito
4. Have you ever had a garage sale? of course!
5. What color is your iPod? black
6. What kind of dog do you have? none, but I have two adorable cats
7. What's for dinner tonight? i have no idea. Oh wait! it's date night! we're going out!
8. What is the last alcoholic beverage you had? i would guess wine...i was in a blackout at the time...
9. Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone? probablly called or texted someone i shouldn't have.
10. Last time you were sick? does morning sickness count? because then i'm sick now.
11. How long is your hair? really,really short.
12. Are you happy right now? yes. i actually am. especially since it's friday! whoot!
13. What did you say last? "yeah, they have one tracked minds. the don't look farther than the task at hand."
14. Who came over last? a gal i just met in aa.
15. Do you drink beer? non alcoholic beer.
16. Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted? well, i am adopted...so i have no idea if i have brothers and sisters!
17. What is your favorite key chain on your keys? i don't have any keychains on my keys.
18. What did you get for graduation? a sterling silver cross pen and pencil set with my name engraved on it when i graduated from high school and nothing when i graduated from college.
19. What's in your pocket? lint.
20. Who introduced you to Dane Cook? the movie 'waiting'
21. Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? no
22. What DVD is in your DVD player? it's empty right now
23. What's something fun you did today? i'm at work so i haven't done anything fun yet.
24. Who is/was the principal of your high school? holy cow. i have no idea.
25. Has your house ever been TP'd? my house growing up was
26. What do you think of when you hear the word "meow"? my kitties
27. What are you listening to right now? my space heater and a classic rock station
28. Drinking? water.
29. What is your favorite aisle at Wal-Mart? none. i don't like wal-mart.
30. When is your mom's birthday? march 21
31. When is your birthday? september 17
32. What's the area code for your cell phone? the one for my town
33. Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now? anthropologie
34. Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror? nope
35. How many states in the US have you been to? i have no idea. maybe 20.
36. What kind of milk do you drink? whole
37. What are you going to do after this? get a snack and go pee. again.
38. Who was the last person you went shopping with? hubby
39. What is your favorite fruit? peaches and pears
40. What about your favorite dessert? pastry
41. What is something you need to go shopping for? food
42. Do you have the same name as one of your relatives? no
43. What kind of car does one of your siblings drive? i don't have any
44. Do you like pickles? yum. especially the ones we make from our garden.
45. How about olives? yum on those too
46. What is your favorite kind of gum? anything spearamint
47. What is your favorite kind of juice? right now i like cranberry-peach
48. Do you have any tan lines? no. it's the middle of january!
49. What hospital were you born in? st. anne's in downtown los angeles

Mullet Man Surrenders Shoplifted Salami...

2008-01-11T10:20:00.000-08:00

Yes, folks. This was in the local paper today...

Mullet man surrenders shoplifted salami
Posted: Thursday, January 10, 2008 6:08 PM PST

Dispatched to Lucky supermarket around 11:30 a.m. on Sunday, Dec. 30, following a shoplifting report, XX police learned that a white male, about 50 years old with brown hair in a mullet cut, had been confronted by the store manager in the parking lot.The manager accused the man of failing to pay for a salami when he went through the self-checkout line and paid only for a bag of chips.The manager later told police he argued back and forth with the man for several moments, spurred by suspicions from the man's earlier visits to the store when his behavior aroused attention.After a heated dispute, the man pulled the salami out of his bag, gave it to the manager, and then got into a car, described by the manager as a gray Suzuki Swift, and headed northbound on Highway XX toward McDonald's. Police are now looking for a man in a mullet driving a Swift, a somewhat unusual combination of coiffure and car that could make identifying the would-be salami thief a little easier.

Seriously. You can't make this shit up!

i have a due date!

2008-01-10T14:37:00.000-08:00

i swear, i have been so zapped of energy these days. at least i know why, now, though! i went to the doc on tuesday and found out that i am 8 weeks along and that i am due on august 18. i had my first ultrasound and saw my little peanut growing. to see the heartbeat was amazing. i still can't believe this is happening. hubby is way excited, which is great.

we went over our finances on sunday to see how we can manage on just his salary. we have no idea yet how long i will take off work. on one hand, we would be okay on his salary, being thrify and all, but on the other, his folks are so close by they could be day care for us. BUT having is mom take care of the little one on a daily basis scares me to bits.

i used to resent sahm's, but that's because i knew a few that were just awful. sure, they would be at home with the kid(s) all day, but they didn't do anything around the house. they didn't clean, cook or do laundry. they didn't even make dinner for their husband's who worked all day. i mean, if you're going to stay at home and take care of the kid(s) the least you can do is stuff around the house as well. and yes, i understand taking care of a little one is challenging, but seriously. you can do other stuff, too.

i also have a friend who is rather well off due to her husband making a ton of money. she has all the hired help you can imagine, yet still has the audacity to complain how hard motherhood is and how she is tired all the time. why she is always tired beats me as everyone else does the work for her.

i have no idea what will happen for us. i don't know that i could stay home full time. i think i might go a little batty without adult interatction. or am i just getting a little too far ahead of myself now? : )

update.

2008-01-07T13:44:00.000-08:00

first of all, you all are so kind. thank you all for your kind responses.

it's been quite the week, let me tell you! i found out on monday ~ new year's eve ~ that i was expecting. i had been feeling crummy for a while and decided to take a test ~ at work no less. i didn't believe it at first, but then all the signs were there, so i had to believe. i wasn't going to tell hubby until i got home that day, but he ended up calling me in the afternoon so i told him. there was silence for quite a while on the other end of the line, but he was excited. never once has he muttered a harsh or unkind word, which has been wonderful.

i scheduled an appointment with my gp/obgyn for friday where i got the professional confirmation. she then had me make an appointment with the ob, with whom i will meet with tomorrow afternoon. right now we're guestimating that i am about 6-8 weeks along, thus in the middle of morning sickness, which i do not like one bit. i am pretty much nauseous all the time. it sucks. i haven't gotten sick, but being nauseous for the past few weeks hasn't been much fun, either.

we told our folks after the dr appointment on friday. his mom started crying and his dad said they had given up on us long ago. nice. we've only been married a little over 4 years. and it's not like we're 45 and starting a family. my mother was more excited than i have ever heard. she has never been proud of me before, so this was unusual.

hubby has been quite supportive, even getting me strawberry milkshakes anytime i desire one ~ which is a lot. normally he would never go out of his way to stop, now he does it all the time. it's very sweet and i know i need to milk it for all it's worth!

i no longer drink coffee because i cannot stand the smell! i used to drink a pot a day...so this has been a big change for me. i am now finding new things to eat, which will definitely help me eat healthy for the long run. being at work is hard as the cafeteria here isn't very 'pregnacy friendly' with food. i've been eating a lot of peanut butter and jelly on toast.

my chest has already grown and is so painful. i am busting out of my 'c' cup, so i need to buy a bigger bra soon. i've been sleeping in my bra to give my chest a little extra support when i sleep. needless to say, hubby is quite pleased with the increase in my chest. heh.

well, as the last of the marrieds...it's finally my turn.

2008-01-04T17:57:00.000-08:00

nausea day and night for the past few weeks, with no relief in sight
a decreased amount of energy, regardless of how long i sleep or how many naps i take
supremely tender breasts
a heightened sense of smell
the desire for coffee completely gone, the smell of which even turns my stomach
and an increase in the amount of times i have to pee each day
all comes down to one thing. one crazy, happy, scary, unbelievable thing.

i'm pregnant.

this is fierce!

2008-01-04T08:41:00.000-08:00

the rain is coming down sideways and the wind is gusting at about 40 miles an hour. nice. i'm so not driving to work after my appointment today. hubby called a little while ago and said he didn't go over 40 mph his whole way to work and there was standing water everywhere, which will be a lot worse by the time i head over (we both work in the same area, though my commute is 25 minutes longer).

my wind chime i've had since college was broken last night and that makes me sad. the top part that is still connected to the front porch is still blowing fiercely in the wind, twisting and turning like mad. i have no idea where the metal chimes have gone.

my front yard is totally flooded and i'm expecting the power to go out at any time. normally i like storms, but this one is totally freaking me out.

i have to work on our house finances today but i'm totally lagging on doing that. i'm catching up on the hills right now instead. ha.

tut tut. looks like rain.

2008-01-03T10:00:00.000-08:00

our big winter storm is here, pouring buckets and buckets of rain. we're expected to get 5 inches of rain in the next few days and the mountains are to get around 10 feet of fresh snow. there is a high wind warning in effect for the next few days as well, as it's supposed to reach 50 miles an hour in some places. we desperately need the rain, so this this storm will be good. and i love a good storm. i just wish i wasn't at work...but i'll make the best of it, tucked away in my office without any windows. i can hear the rain pounding away outside, which i like. i won't open the door since it's so cold outside, though.

i have a doctor's appointment tomorrow so my boss told me to check the weather reports before i come in as it may be too bad of a drive. is it bad that i'm secretly hoping not to have to drive in? my appointment is at 11:15a, so i won't be able to come in first as it would be silly to drive 45 minutes and work for 2 hours to just turn around and drive 45 minutes back, have my appointment then drive back again. so i figure i'll just go in late and stay a little late. but we'll see how it all pans out. as much as i like the rain and storms, i don't like driving in them at all.